


Hero

by The_Jade_Goblin



Series: Shoker Chronicles [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: And Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, High Stakes, Shoker, WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?, featuring past!shenko, suspense!, takes places in ME3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8735635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: The Reapers are here. The war looms over their heads. They knew it was coming, but the galaxy believed them too late. Now it's up to Shepard, Joker and their cracked crew of maniacs aboard the Normandy to stop the greatest threat this galaxy has ever known.  While the world burns around them and the galaxy falls, can Shepard keep her family together, and save the galaxy from certain doom once again? Shepard will have to make some of the hardest decisions in her life to end the Reaper threat, but she's not sure if she's strong enough. Even a Commander can break after all, and Shepard's limits will be tested in the coming war.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so here it is! the first chapter of my sequel to Save Me!  
> I'm sorry if it seems rushed or sloppy but I honestly had no idea how to start this first chapter and I needed to get so much out of the way and written down before I could get right into the story and I had a million thoughts running throguh my head and adadjweiwgiowgns!!  
>  I'll just stop talking and let you get on with reading! Enjoy!

If someone had asked her, what the end of the world might have looked like, it would not be this. It would not be, running through ruined streets as the city burned and people screamed. It would not be having to run past them, mind full of the mission to escape and get help that took priority.

It would not be climbing buildings and dodging cannibal fire with Anderson while they desperately tried to call for the Alliance, and while Shepard dared not think about what had happened to the other Alliance soldiers in that building. Like Kaidan. And James. And…

She shook her head. No. The mission was all that mattered.

In her mind, the end of the world did not feature a child cowering in a vent, only to disappear when Shepard went to help him. It did not include being armour-less and armed with only a borrowed pistol. If you had of asked her what the end of the world might have looked like, it would not be this.

In an ideal galaxy, the end of the world would have begun with the galaxy being prepared for a fight; the armies of the galaxy ready against the Reapers. With her crew in the Normandy, screaming in like the saviours they so often were, bringing down anything in their way, somehow against all odds accomplishing their mission even when the world was burning around them, and everything was against them and their success.

It would not have looked like this.

Shepard had felt helpless and scared a few times in her long career, but never more so than now. For all her bravery and death-defying feats, she had never before encountered a Reaper army, let alone tried to combat one. And the scene unfolding on Earth was the stuff out of a nightmare. And she had one pistol. One old Captain by her side. One busted comm unit. No armour. No backup. No ship. No crew.

“Don’t cry.” She whispered to herself, holding her pistol close to her chest. “Don’t. Cry.”

Her left arm was completely coated in blood from the initial attack on HQ, and the pain in her knee wouldn’t go away, but she ignored both of those things and followed Anderson, using her biotic powers to throw enemies out of their way. They were headed to a rendezvous point; Anderson had gotten the comm to work long enough to send their distress signal and receive coordinates for a pickup point. She only hoped they could make it in time.

 It was a slight escalation compared to her life previously in the lockup. When she complained about being idle, she didn’t exactly ask for this. The only good thing about this, is that the Council would finally have to believe her – a bit late for the impending invasion, but she was done with playing by the Council’s rules. This was now war, and she would do anything to end it.

“Cavalry’s here everyone,”

Looking up, she smiled. The Normandy. Come to save the day once again.

“About time.” Anderson muttered. “Let’s go.”

Shepard had never run faster. The Normandy’s bay doors opened as she approached, and she felt a pang of relief as she saw James and Kaidan already aboard. So they made it out alive, she could cross them off the list of people she was worrying about. She leapt, landing onto the ramp and spinning around to help Anderson, who hadn’t moved.

“Sir!” she cried.

“Go on Shepard, this is your fight.” Anderson said. “I can do more here by mobilising Earth. Get to the Citadel, convince them to help us.”

“But –”

“This is an official order, you are to go to Mars to retrieve important data before Cerberus gets it, then use that data to fight the Reapers.”

Shepard found it in her to smirk. “Technically you’re not my superior anymore Anderson,”

“As a matter of fact, I am, Commander.” Anderson smirked back, throwing Shepard her old tags. “I’m officially reinstating you. Now get going! You’re our last hope.”

“Aye aye sir. I won’t let you down.” She gave a salute before ushering the others into the cargo bay as the doors closed behind them.

As the Normandy, pulled away from Earth, she felt a warmth die in her heart, leaving her cold in the cargo bay. It was the end of the damned world, and she couldn’t do anything to prevent it. Her world was falling down around her, and the crushing weight of the task at hand, for the first time, became realised in its enormity.

She hadn’t gotten used to being on her own with limited contact, and being able to express what she felt when she felt it. She just needed to cry, just for a moment or two. She looked to her left at James, raging about leaving Earth. No, she couldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. She was a Commander now, not a little girl, and right now she had a mission to complete.

“Enough!” she snapped. “I’m not happier leaving Earth than you are, but right now we are its only hope of survival. Now Anderson has given me an order and I intend to follow it – if you can’t follow orders on my ship Vega you will be disciplined until you can! We need every man we can get on this mission and you are not leaving this ship and abandoning it, do you understand me?”

James looked at her, as though seeing her for the first time. In their time together he had only known her as a prisoner on lockdown, pleasant and funny to talk to but usually quiet. He had never seen the legend herself in action before, and that seemed to throw him into reality again.

“Yes ma’am.” He said.

“Good. I want both of you to report to the XO for your stations. Normandy set a course for the Mars Archives.”

“Mars? Why the detour?”

Shepard’s stern expression broke into a smile at the sound of her favouite pilot’s voice.

“Joker! Is that you?”

“Still alive and kicking Commander,” came Joker’s amused reply. “Setting a course for Mars. You’ll want to go over the Normandy’s repairs I imagine, EDI and I can give you the rundown when you come up.”

“I’ll be right up Joker. Send the report to my quarters.”

A clever ploy. Through Shepard’s time in incarcerations she and Joker had devised a system to keep their relationship off the record so to speak. When they had impounded the Normandy and arrested Shepard, she’d confided in Anderson the nature of their relationship, who advised them to keep it quiet.

Per Alliance regs there were to be no fraternization, especially between Commander and crew member. He’d helped them keep it low-profile while still securing them the same positions together on the Normandy. She’d thought they’d knock back his request at keeping both her and Joker on the ship, but she was glad to find out she was wrong.

The report of repairs was just another of saying ‘get up to my damn quarters so I can kiss you relentlessly’ in their books.

“Commander –”

Shepard stopped in her tracks. She’d almost forgotten about Kaidan. Gritting her teeth, and forcing herself to smile politely, she turned back.

“Yes Kaidan?”

“I was…just wondering who you’d be requiring on Mars. And if I could ask permission to be part of the ground team. Ma’am.”

Oh but the awkward distance between them was horrible.

“If you’d like to offer your assistance I wouldn’t turn it down Kaidan, you’re a good soldier. We’re going up against Cerberus agents, I’ll need the best the Alliance can give me.” Shepard replied. “You and Vega will be on the ground team. Anything else?”

“No ma’am.”

“Very well. Report to your station, carry on gentlemen.”

Shepard high-tailed it out of that cargo bay like her ass was on fire. Shuddering at the thought of the awkward mission ahead, she suddenly realised just why Alliance regs didn’t allow fraternization. She wouldn’t let it bother her; she was a marine not a school girl.

If Kaidan wanted to get all weird about it that was his problem, she was still his Commander and she would not be made to feel this uncomfortable in her own ship. They were adults after all not children.

Entering her cabin felt like a homecoming; she hadn’t realised just how much she’d missed the blue light of the fish tank or the humming of the sound system.

“There’s my favourite Commander, safe and sound on the Normandy just like she would be.” Joker said as she walked in. 

“You took your time, what you were doing catching the newest Blasto vid?” she joked.

“What can I say, it makes for riveting watching.” Joker shrugged.

Shepard laughed as she came down to face him, and kissed him deeply. Joker had his arms around her before she could pull away, and the two spent what felt like an eternity like that, saying hello to each other without words, getting to know one another again after so long apart.

But a small whine broke them apart. Joker clicked his tongue as he looked down, and broke away from Shepard to duck down and pick up the squirming bundle of blankets that Shepard hadn’t even noticed on her way in.

Her face broke out into an amazed smile, and she felt her eyes begin to tear up as Joker folded back the blankets to allow the squirming baby to see.

“Ashley,” she whispered. “Oh my god…”

“That’s what I was doing.” Joker said quietly. “I wasn’t leaving her behind, Alliance regs be dammed. I wouldn’t be able to face you knowing I’d left our baby on Earth while we ran from the Reapers.”

“She’s gotten so big.” Shepard breathed as Joker gently handed her over. Baby Ashley immediately smiled up at her mother and tugged on her long red hair with a giggle.

Shepard held her baby close, crying into the blankets holding her.

“Oh thank the Goddess you’re safe.” She whispered. “I thought I’d lost you. Oh, my precious girl…”

She didn’t realise she’d began to sob until Joker was holding her, the both with their arms around their daughter, as though shielding her from the world. It had been months Shepard had seen the both of them.

 

 

_“I hate this.” Joker muttered, stumbling down the hall next to Shepard._

_“I know babe, so do I.” Shepard sighed. “Don’t worry so much, Anderson and Hackett have got my back, I’ll be fine.”_

_“It’s ridiculous that we don’t get thrown under the bus because you’re the Commander. It’s not like you had a choice when you came-to after two years!”_

_“Jeff sweetheart calm down.” Shepard stopped walking and placed her hands on his shoulders._

_There were Alliance soldiers meandering around the base, but none paid them any attention. Shepard cupped Joker’s cheek in her hand and made him look her in the eye._

_“It’s going to be okay babe, I promise. We both know how to wiggle through loopholes well enough to make it out of this together.”_

_Joker’s eyes flickered down, to the small bump that was beginning to form under Shepard’s shirt. Three months after her announcement of being pregnant and the last trial was taking place in an hour, finally deciding the fate of Shepard, himself, and the Normandy and its crew._

_He was worried about the baby. Alliance regs forbid fraternization, what if they took the baby away? What if they posted him and Shepard on separate ships to keep them apart? What if he never saw her again?_

_“Babe. Look at me.”_

_Joker sighed and dragged his eyes upwards._

_“It’s going to be okay.” Shepard said. “I’ve called Anderson, I’m going to tell him everything after the trial, he’ll take care of it I promise you. No one’s going to take our baby from us, and no one is going to keep us apart. They’d be fools to try.”_

_“Not many people want to make an enemy out of you, that’s true.” Joker smirked. “They have a way of dying.”_

_Shepard smiled. “Exactly. Wish me luck babe, I’ll see you when they let me have visitors.”_

 

 

In the end, they hadn’t let Shepard have any contact with her crew while in lockup. Thanks to Anderson and Admiral Hackett, she and Joker had registered their marriage and had their baby almost completely in secret. She had seen Joker twice in the time she had been in lockup, once for their marriage registry, and the other time when she had the baby.

Shepard had kept Ash for three months before she required more equipment than her cell provided, and Anderson had passed their baby over to Joker. Through notes passed through James they had communicated and she’d been kept up-to-date on Ash’s health and progress, but nothing could compare to having her baby girl in her arms.

“Having her on the ship might be a problem. We won’t be able to keep everything under wraps for long.” She murmured.

“Then we don’t try.” Joker shrugged. “This is war, if the Alliance _really_ cares about us having our family aboard the Normandy they can bite me. They have bigger concerns right now, and the crew would find out sooner or later anyway, it’s a small ship.”

Shepard considered his words. “This is warship Jeff; we’re heading into battle.”

“To be honest Katherine, I think our daughter’s safer here with us than anywhere else right now.”

“You have a point.” Shepard admitted. “I still can’t believe you smuggled her on board in the middle of an invasion.”

“Your brothers may have given me a hand,” Joker grinned.

Shepard’s head snapped up. “They’re here?”

“Adrien is. Matthew’s stationed on Earth; last I saw him he was rallying the Alliance in the city.” He replied.

“Anderson will have joined him by now. I hope they’ll be okay.” Shepard sighed, bouncing her little girl in her arms slightly as she tugged on her hair. “Has she eaten?”

“Not yet, bit of a rush getting off Earth and all.” Joker said sheepishly.

Shepard wasted no time taking a baby bottle out of her nightstand and sitting on the bed to feed her. Joker sat down beside her, and the two sat in comfortable silence as they nursed their child. Shepard sighed, leaning against Joker as Ash suckled at the bottle.

The world might be ending, and the galaxy might be under attack, but right now, in this moment, everything was okay. Here with her husband and her child, the impending war didn’t affect her. The Reapers and their terror didn’t matter. Everything to come could wait, because right now she had only one job; and that job was being a mother. Not a Commnder. Not a Saviour of the galaxy.

She was no one right now but Katherine Shepard-Moreau, wife and mother, in the embrace of her family, and the soft light of her cabin in their home, the SSV Normandy.    

 


	2. Chapter 2

 “Good luck Commander,” Joker said in farewell as the ground team prepared for deportation. “Cortez will take you down to the planet’s surface.”

“Cortez?” Shepard questioned.

“Pilot.” Joker supplied. “He’s a good pilot, I hear the Alliance wanted him to be our helmsman, I wouldn’t hear of it. But he’ll take good care of you in the Kodiak.”

“I can’t fly it down there myself?” Shepard flatlined.

“Err… no offence ma’am, but seeing you fly or drive anything is more terrifying than every mission we’ve ever been on combined.” Joker replied. “Remember that time you got the Mako stuck on a cliff, then reversed into a geyser?”

“Oh har har.” Shepard rolled her eyes. “Point taken. Alright, I’ll see you when we’ve got the data.”

“Be careful down there, we don’t know what to expect.”

“I think the Commander knows what to expect Joker.” Kaidan said, appearing in the cockpit to collect his envirosuit by the airlock.

“What’s that supposed to mean Alenko?” Joker snapped.

“You heard what I said.” Kaidan snapped back.

“You’d better be extra careful Commander; it would be a shame if one of the team went MIA.” Joker glared.

“Boys. Enough.” Shepard said mildly. “We’re professionals not school children. Kaidan, you will cease this attack on Joker, and Joker you will refrain from your backlash. Understood?”

“Aye aye Commander.” Joker said reluctantly.

“Yes ma’am. Shall we head out?” Kaidan answered stiffly.

“Get Vega and I’ll meet you at the shuttle.” Shepard ordered.

As Kaidan nodded and left, Shepard sighed.

“This is going to be worse than I thought.” She muttered.

“You know I _can_ gun him down from orbit and make it look like an accident.” Joker pointed out.

“Jeff.” She frowned at him.

“What?” Joker said innocently. “Just a thought.”

“You two were best friends. Don’t let me ruin that.” Shepard said reproachfully.

“Kat he’s the one who ruined it, not you. I’d be pissed at him for doing what he did even if we weren’t together.” Joker shrugged.

“Like our being together has no influence on the tension or anything.” Shepard rolled her eyes.

“If Alenko wants to go around making enemies of the Normandy crew – which by the way, he already has, literally everybody on the team hates him – that’s his problem, I’m happy to give the guy the fight he’s so clearly looking for.”

Shepard shook her head. Boys.

“EDI give me a call when these two have put away their testosterone for the day.” She muttered, before kicking herself off the wall she’d been leaning on and heading down to the shuttle bay.

 

 

“What on Earth are Cerberus doing here anyway?” Shepard muttered as she refilled her thermal clip.

“You mean you don’t know Commander?” Kaidan asked.

“Why would I?” Shepard raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like I’ve had contact with anyone while incarcerated, and besides that I doubt I’m the Illusive Man’s favourite person, we did blow up the Collector Base just to piss him off after all.”

“You mean to say you’ve not heard any reason why Cerberus would be on Mars?” Kaidan insisted.

“No! I have not!” Shepard snapped. “I am not with Cerberus anymore, and even when I was I only had information regarding my own mission not any other operations.”

“Alenko quit harassing the Commander,” James said. “I can vouch for her; she’s had no contact with Cerberus since turning herself in.”

“May I remind you that I did in fact turn myself in too.” Shepard muttered. “Let’s keep going. And don’t worry about sparing anyone; I didn’t exactly make friends among Cerberus.”

That was a white lie, but Shepard didn’t care. It was unlikely any of the friends she’d made were here anyway; they’d all abandoned Cerberus after their mission was complete.

“Permission to kill him Commander.” Joker said through their private comms.

“Behave yourself Joker.” She murmured.

“I’m just saying Commander, gravity’s one mean mother.”

Shepard just rolled her eyes. “Don’t go throwing my officers off the ship please.”

“You never let me have any fun.”

Shepard smirked. Joker always knew what to say to distract her for irritating problems, and right now Kaidan fit the bill. She turned to Kaidan as the elevator took them up to the archives.

“Kaidan.” She said.

“Don’t ‘Kaidan’ me Commander.” Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest with a scowl.

Shepard rolled her eyes. Men.

“Alenko I do not give a single fuck what you think of me after I saved the mother fucking galaxy for the second damn time from the Collectors because the Alliance wouldn’t do crap about it.” She snapped.

Kaidan blinked, looking stunned.

“I don’t give a fuck what you think of my command or my actions or my reasons for being gone for two years – the answer is I was _literally_ dead, and if you won’t believe then guess what? _I don’t give a_ _fuck_.”

James gave a low whistle as he tried to look like he didn’t exist during this awkward interaction.

“But there is one thing I will _not_ stand and that is insubordination.” Shepard continued. “I don’t care who you are or what you think, but while you are under my command you _will_ follow my orders or so help me I will leave you on this planet and go save the fucking galaxy again without you. Good luck finding a girlfriend when it gets out that you spent the whole war on Mars twiddling your thumbs because your Commander was sick of your shit. If I hear one more piece of bullshit from your mouth on this mission Alenko I will shoot you just to shut you up. Take your problems to Hackett if you hate being here so much but I will _not_ put up with you any longer. _Do you understand me Major?”_

“I – I –” Kaidan stammered.

“Do. You. Understand. Major?” Shepard growled, coking her gun for effect.

“I – y-yes Commander.”

“Good. Now move out, I want to get this done and get to the Citadel asap. Move out!”

Seeing Kaidan scamper like a frightened puppy was almost worth it. Almost. James followed her at a more leisurely pace, grinning like an idiot the whole time. She turned her head to him and gave a smirk as they walked.

“Something to say Vega?” she questioned.

“Nothing much, except for damn Commander, you are one badass marine. Remind me to never get on your bad side.” James said.

Shepard chuckled. “Don’t worry James, you’re golden compared to him. Come on, let’s see what’s up ahead and – wait, is that _Liara_?”

 

“Honestly This day could not get any worse.” Shepard muttered from behind the fallen skycar, replacing her empty thermal clip as the world around her exploded in a fiery mess.

“Do you really wish to test that Shepard?” Liara said, popping out of cover to hurl a singularity at the Cerberus agents coming towards them.

“No you’re right, I take it back.”

Why did every one of her days have to end in some kind of explosion? Over the years, she’d heard many people she’d encountered that had joked about getting out before she blew up the place, and she always resented those comments, but it wasn’t until now that she realised they were kind of right.

She did have a habit of walking away from explosions whenever she was sent on a mission.

One day history would record her as the woman who came, conquered, and blew up everything. There are worse ways history can remember you, but still, she’d rather it not be the explosive ends to her missions as the one thing people remembered about her.

“Incoming mechs!” Kaidan called.

“Lovely.” Shepard muttered. “I was beginning to think Cerberus didn’t love me anymore. Kaidan hit them with an overload! James get to cover before using your flashbang grenades! Liara can you slow down the ground troops with singularities?”

“Yes Commander!” she heard the chorus of her team echo through the battlefield as they carried out her orders.

“James cover me, I’m going in!”

Shepard leapt out from cover and jumped over the rubble, erecting a biotic barrier as she ran through the carnage towards the heavy mechs, James’ cover fire rattling her shields.

She hit the mech with a warp to disrupt its armour, then threw her grenades before expanding the blast with a shockwave that carried the blast over both mechs, crippling their defences enough for her team to come in behind her and finish them off.

“Cortez we need a pick up! Now!” Shepard shouted into her comms.

“On my way Commander!”

“Commander! Cerberus incoming!” James shouted.

“Dammit _! Liara take it down_!”

Liara threw a biotic blast at the skycar, making it coming crashing down. The impact knocked Shepard off her feet, landing next to Liara, who had stumbled and fallen to the ground. Getting to her feet, Shepard helped Liara up and looked her arm over her shoulders, supporting her wait from her now twisted ankle.

_“Commander!”_

Shepard heard Kaidan’s shout, but couldn’t react to whatever he was warning her about with Liara leaning on her. She heard shots and a sickening slam, and after what seemed like an eternity she got Liara to safety and set her down on the ground, and turned to see the danger.

“Kaidan!”

A Cerberus robot had emerged from the wrecked skycar, but Kaidan had cut it off before it reached Shepard and Liara. But the robot was stronger than Kaidan’s L2 biotics and it had him pinned by the throat against the skycar’s door.

“ _Kaidan!”_ Shepard lifted her scope to her eye and empties a thermal clip into the back of the robot’s head.

She must have a hit the circuits she was aiming for, because the robot crumpled to the floor with a mechanic crunch. Kaidan fell, limp and unconscious, and still on the ground. Shepard felt her blood turn to ice.

“James help me!” Shepard launched forward to the fallen marine, using James to carry Kaidan while she dragged the Cerberus robot along the ground and once more helped Liara walk to the Kodiak that had just landed.

Cortez jumped out and helped her with the robot, then Liara was strapped in, then finally James secured Kaidan before he and Shepard jumped in.

“Get us back to the Normandy fast Cortez, I’m not losing him.” Shepard said, her voice surprisingly steady for how much she was shaking.

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed as the Kodiak sped its way back to the Normandy.

 

 

It had felt like hours since she’d opened her eyes. The whole world seemed dark whether she had her eyes closed or not. She still sat on the medbay bed, knees curled up against her body, head resting on her knees, listening to Kaidan’s shallow breathing.

The soft beeps of the machines were her only indication that he was still fighting. She didn’t know when the last time she’d even moved was. Nobody had bothered her, not even Joker. There were a thousand things they needed to talk about, but Shepard had had enough for one day.

The emotional rollercoaster of a day she’d had was too much; she’d shut down. She just couldn’t handle anything else.

“Commander…?”

She ignored Adrien’s voice, pretending like she was asleep. He wasn’t buying it, and why should he? He knew her better than that.

“Kathy come on, you’ve been in here for hours you need to get some rest.”

“The last thing I said to him was that I’d shoot him just to shut him up.” Shepard murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “What if that was the last thing I’ll ever say to him?”

“Kathy stop that, you’ll make yourself sick.” Adrien sighed. “You did all you could.”

“I did nothing. I did nothing to stop it. He put himself between that thing and us and it could have killed him. It might still kill him if we don’t get him to the Citadel fast enough.”

“I know you Kathy, I know that _you_ know you couldn’t do anything.” Adrien took a seat on the edge of the bed Shepard was on. “But is this just guilt because of what you two were?”

Shepard sighed. “Yeah, maybe. I never expected it to be a happy reunion or anything but…we were just so at each other’s throats and now…now I might never get the chance to say sorry…that I understand if he hates me…”

“He doesn’t hate you. He saved your life.” Adrien pointed out.

“That makes it worse.” Shepard muttered.

“You can’t beat yourself up forever.”

“No? Watch me.”

Adrien sighed and shook his head. “Have faith. He’ll recover, and you can tell him everything you want to tell him right now. Just keep focussing on that.”

Shepard was silent.

“Joker’s worried about you.”

“He always worries.”

“He’s your husband, that’s kind of his job. Go on, I’ll keep an eye on Kaidan, you go up and get some sleep. Okay?”

Shepard heaved a sigh, and opened her eyes. “Okay.”

Shepard retired to her cabin, leaving Adrien in the medbay. Joker hadn’t been lying about her whole crew hating Kaidan for what happened on Horizon – she’d found several threatening messages on the terminals of the SR-2, her brothers were no exception.

She had dreaded the day Kaidan ever met her brothers, she knew the both of them would not put up with him – at all. But she trusted Adrien to watch over him; he knew what she was going through and he wouldn’t do anything to upset her further. That’s the good thing about twins, they had an uncanny connection when it came to understanding one another.   

Joker had already fallen asleep, leaving the helm in EDI’s care. She could only imagine what he was thinking about her reaction to Kaidan’s condition. She sighed. She couldn’t let this affect her so much, she used to a Commander who took things in her stride, but now with the galaxy burning down around her, she just couldn’t take it anymore.

To distract herself, she went to the crib by the bed and peered over at the sleeping Ashley. She felt bad; here she was worrying about her ex-boyfriend while completely ignoring her husband and child. She reached down and took Ash out of her crib, holding her close. She couldn’t afford to fall apart.

Not just for the galaxy’s sake; fuck the galaxy, she was getting to the point where she didn’t give a fuck whether the galaxy burned or not, considering all it had done to her. But this wasn’t about the galaxy anymore; she was doing this for her daughter. She couldn’t fall apart for her sake.

She would make a world in which her baby could live in peace and be unafraid. She would do it for the life she dreamed of having with Joker, she would continue to fight and she would not falter for the sake of her family; her husband, child, and her beloved brothers. She would see this through for them.

Kissing Ash’s forehead, she put her back into her crib and sat on the edge of her bed. She ran her fingers gently through Joker’s hair, still in her Alliance blues. He stirred from her petting, opening his eyes groggily.

“Kat…?”

“Hey babe.” She said softly.

“You…okay hon?”

She nodded. “You know I love you Jeff, right?”

Joker propped himself up carefully on his elbow, frowning slightly at her.

“Yeah, course I know that. You sure you’re alright?” he asked.

“I’m fine now. Crisis averted. Jeff I’m fine I promise stop looking at me like that,”

“Can’t help it. You’ve been…well…affected since they brought Alenko back to the Normandy. How’s he doing?”

“No change. But we’ll be on the Citadel soon and we’ll get him the help he needs.” She bit her lower lip, worrying it with her teeth. “I’m sorry. You must have been thinking…”

“Katherine, don’t assume what I was thinking.” Joker said. “I know, I understand. He meant something to you once, and you feel guilty over what happened. It’s only natural. I know you’re mine now, I know you love me, and believe me I’m just as worried about him as you are. There’s nothing you need to explain Kat.”

Shepard let out a sigh of relief.

“Now come on, you need sleep. Get in here.”

She stripped down to her underwear and slipped under the covers with Joker, who held her securely against his chest. The world seemed to be easier to handle when she was in his arms, and she sighed contently as she settled down against him.

This would be the last time. No more weakness. No more mistakes. She was Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre, Saviour of the Citadel, destroyer of the Collectors, and she _would_ save this galaxy. No matter what it takes.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hell of a way to tell the boss you’re quitting.”

It amazed Shepard that was actually able to crack a smirk at that. Trust James to make a joke when she couldn’t. She had lost track of how long she’d been standing on the Presidium just staring into space, lost in her thoughts. She was actually glad James had come along when he did, she needed to get up and do something, not keep moping about.

“How’s he doing?” she asked, not even looking over her shoulder.   

“Better. He’s regained consciousness, doctors say he’ll make a full recovery.” James said.

Shepard sighed in relief, and smiled. “That’s good. That’s very good. You’re not just saying that to make me feel better I hope?”

“Commander I would never,” James said in tone of mock-hurt.

Shepard chuckled. “Alright I believe you.”

James came to lean on the railing beside her. “He’s awake now, if you’d like to see him.”

Shepard bit her lip. She didn’t really have the time; the Council wanted her to see the turian ambassador about the Reaper threat, she had to see Udina as well, as well as attend to several other concerns from the embassies that required her attention.

“I’ll go see the turian ambassador,” James said, as though reading her mind. “You can’t be everywhere at once and the Council will just have to get over that.”

Shepard smiled and pushed herself off the railing, getting on her tiptoes to hug James.

“Thanks James.”

“Anything for you Lola,”

“Lola huh?” Shepard smirked.

"Yeah you uh, you look like a Lola. You don't mind Commander, do you?"

"Not at all. I’ll see you later then... _Jamie_ ,”

Laughing at James’ exaggerated groan at the nickname, Shepard went on her way to the hospital. She had a million things she needed to tell Kaidan, but what should she say first? What could she start this conversation with? There was so much baggage between them she had no idea where to start.

If it were Joker she knew she wouldn’t have to say anything, he’d understand everything she was feeling and nothing would be needed to make things right again; but Kaidan wasn’t Joker, he had never understood her like Joker had, communication between them was more difficult than that. After all, they were very different people now.

Even if things were different, Shepard couldn’t be the woman Kaidan remembered; she couldn’t be the woman he loved. She just wasn’t that woman anymore – she wasn’t sure she was _ever_ truly that woman – the mask of pretence had fallen away and now she couldn’t go back. So how would Kaidan expect her to handle this situation?

Probably with quiet understanding and apologies, he’d expect her to be full of remorse and wanting to do what she could to make things the way they were. Once, she would have done all that just for him. But now it was different.

She _was_ full of remorse, and she _did_ want to make things right, but she couldn’t forgive Kaidan completely just yet, at least not without _some_ kind of apology from him. They both needed to apologise to each other, they’d both done wrong and they both needed to clear the air between them. Unfortunately, nearly dying didn’t make the things you did tolerable.

Her mind was getting scrambled, was this even making sense? Was she right? Or was she being selfish? She needed to sort out her thoughts before she saw Kaidan or she’d get flustered and frustrated and just yell at him, and that’s something she didn’t want.

She stopped at a café and took a seat to calm down. She took out her datapad and began to write down what she wanted to say to Kaidan so she knew what to say when she saw him. It was a difficult process; she wanted to apologise to him but still let him know that she wasn’t okay with some of the things he’d done, but was now really the time to tell him that?

She should just focus on being relieved he was alive, right? She could worry about her grievances later, she should just say her apologies while she had the chance, since they’d most likely be leaving before Kaidan was fully recovered and there was no way of knowing how long they’d survive in this war.

She spent so long typing her message that Joker had wandered down from the Normandy to find her. Shepard was so wrapped up in typing that at first, she didn’t notice Joker sitting at the table across from her, until a waiter came and sat a drink at the table.

She looked up, confused, and saw him sitting there watching her, sipping the newly arrived coffee.

“Babe, what are you doing here? I thought you were catching up on sleep.” Shepard said.

“I missed you,” Joker shrugged.

Shepard chuckled quietly. “Where’s Ash?”

“Liara’s watching her. Word of warning; being ‘Aunt Liara’ has sort of gone to her head already, be prepared to have our room covered in baby products by this evening. Adrien said he’d keep an eye on her to keep her from buying everything and anything while on the Citadel though.” Joker replied.

Shepard started laughing, her tense shoulders relaxing as she fell back against her chair and dropped her datapad on the table. That was just the thing she needed to hear, honestly Joker seemed to just read her mind these days, he always knew just what to say to make her feel better.   

Joker smiled, happy to have made his wife laugh.

“Going to see Alenko?”

“Mm. Need to talk to him.” Shepard said.

“I’ll come with you, for…moral support.” Joker replied.

“Thanks babe.” Shepard smiled.

Joker got up from his seat and bowed dramatically, offering his hand.

“Milady, your escort awaits.” He said charmingly.

Shepard giggled, rolling her eyes playfully and taking the offered hand, getting up and curtseying like a princess. The fact that she was dressed in Alliance blues ruined the illusion, with her hair neatly braided down her back, but it didn’t matter to Joker; she was still the most beautiful woman in the galaxy.  

As they walked, Joker threaded their fingers together, and Shepard reached over to snatch his SR-2 cap and put it on her own head. Joker smirked at her and let her have it. Joker made Shepard feel like a teenage girl again, she acted like a lovesick schoolgirl around him, and honestly, she didn’t mind that.

She’d never had much of a chance to be a normal teenager after the batarian attack, and it almost made Shepard sad that she and Joker hadn’t had a very long time together to pace themselves and enjoy their journey together like normal couples probably would.

She’d known Joker since they met, almost three and a half years ago now, on the hunt for Saren, but they’d gotten married and had a child only in the last year; in Shepard’s perspective it had been barely two years since they’d met, though in Joker’s it had been nearly four. In normal circumstances, most couples would have spaced that out for longer.

But they weren’t in normal circumstances, and they’d never be in normal circumstances. Maybe if they survived this war they could retire somewhere, settle down…the thought made her giddy. She was growing tired of military life, it was never meant for her, she could see herself being just as happy raising a family somewhere on Earth or a colony. But they had to win and survive this war first.

And, more importantly, she had to first make amends with Kaidan. That lose end couldn’t keep clouding her mind up or she’d go insane. She was nervous, but with her hand in Joker’s she felt slightly better. She was a marine after all, she could handle anything Kaidan could throw at her.

 

 

“What do you mean I can’t see him?” Shepard asked, eyes wide and watery as she stared at the secretary.

The secretary looked at her with sympathy.

“I’m sorry Commander, but it’s from his own request.” She said.

“Kaidan doesn’t want to see me?”

She couldn’t believe it. He hated her that much that he wouldn’t even let her see him?

“I’m afraid so.”

“I…I see.” Shepard bit her lip so she wouldn’t start crying in the middle of the hospital. “In that case, could you give him this please?”

She handed over the datapad she’d written on, and the secretary nodded.

“I’ll make sure he gets it Commander. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you.”

Shepard left the counter feeling dispirited. She sighed as she headed back to the lobby where Joker was waiting.

“Babe? What’s wrong?”

“He won’t see me.” Shepard muttered, plonking herself into a comfy chair next to Joker, looking out at the Citadel’s skyline.

“You’re kidding.” Joker didn’t look impressed, but he sighed and nodded. “Well, I guess that’s understandable.”

“Yeah I can understand why I wouldn’t be his favourite person at the moment.” Shepard agreed. “I’ll try again if we come back to the Citadel before he’s recovered.”

“You think he’d see me?”

Shepard thought. “I don’t see why not. He saw James, and he doesn’t have the same problem with you that he does with me.”

“Well that’s debateable, but I’ll go ask. I’d like to check on him before we jet off again.”

“Good thinking. I’m going to go find Thane, it’s been too long since I’ve seen him and he can’t have much time left. He’d be happy to see a familiar face I think.”

Joker nodded, and they parted ways, Shepard going upstairs to Thane’s room, and Joker got access to Kaidan’s room down the hall. Kaidan was up, sitting up in bed and looking out the window; his torso was bandaged and his face covered in bad bruises, but he was alive, and he looked a lot better than before.

“Hey.” Joker said as he came into the room.

Kaidan looked over, slightly surprised to see Joker. “Oh hey, didn’t expect to see you Joker.”

“Well here I am.” Joker leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “How you feeling?”

“Okay I guess. Bit of pain here and there, but it’s alright.”

Joker nodded. “Listen, back on the Normandy, things got a little heated and –”

“It’s okay Joker I was out of line, don’t worry about it.” Kaidan said.

“Alright, if you’re sure. It’s good to see you’re doing alright, you had us all pretty worried, Shepard barely slept the whole time you were out.”

Kaidan snorted. “Yeah I bet she did.”

“You think I’d lie about something like that?” Joker raised an eyebrow. “You should have seen her, she looked like death warmed up okay, she didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep, she damn near drove herself insane worrying about you and now you won’t even let her see you?”   

“Look it’s my business who I wanna see and who I don’t, and besides that’s between Shepard and me, what’s it got to do with you Joker?” Kaidan scowled.

“A whole lot more than you seem to think. She’s my Commander I actually give a damn about her,”

“So you just came here to make me feel guilty? Well too bad because I don’t.” Kaidan snapped. “Look I get it, she’s back and she’s the same old Shepard to the rest of you, well she isn’t to me. The woman I loved died over Alchera and nothing’s going to bring her back. The woman I knew would have never joined up with Cerberus or left me in the dark for two years, I made my peace years ago I’ve got nothing to say to Shepard now.”

“You don’t get it do you Alenko?” Joker shook his head. “She _is_ the same Shepard. Nothing about her changed, do you really think I’d still be here if she had? Do you think Garrus would stay? Or Tali? Or Liara? You really think Wrex wouldn’t be able to sense if she was different? Whatever you think about her joining up with Cerberus know this; she did what no one else was willing to do. She saved the damn human race from the Collectors when no one else was doing shit about it, and yeah we nearly fucking died during that mission, we might never have come back from the Omeg-4 Relay but Shepard was willing to take that risk to stop the abductions of our colonies. What did you do? Hide behind the Alliance and your accusations.”

“I didn’t abandon what I stood for!” Kaidan shouted.

“Neither did she!” Joker shouted back. “Are you that stupid as to think she actually trsuted Cerberus? Every opportunity she was screaming down the Illusive Man’s throat. The cold truth of the matter that you don’t wanna accept Alenko, is that she _had. No. Choice._ ”

“Everyone has a choice.” Kaidan muttered stubbornly.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Joker sighed. “She was dead. _Dead_. Clinically braindead Alenko, she was gone. Liara had to rescue her damn corpse from the Shadow Broker and Cerberus offered their help to bring her back. They spent those two years literally stitching her back together, they brought her back from the dead, and the _first_ thing she did when she was conscious was go to the Citadel to ask Anderson where you were. No one would tell her, so when the Illusive Man told her you were on Horizon she headed there immediately. And then you but her down and you walk away from her like the time you two had together meant nothing.”   

Kaidan was silent. He obviously hadn’t known that. His eyes had widened slightly as Joker spoke, and he didn’t seem to know what to say.

“You know the worst part Alenko? That part that pisses me off?” Joker went on. “She understands. She understands why you were angry and she understands why you’re still angry, she blames herself for too much already and yet she still blames herself for what _you_ did to her, for what you’re still doing to her. If she hadn’t been dragged from the medbay she never would have left your side, she made herself sick with worry because she was so scared you would die and it would have been her fault and she wouldn’t get the chance to apologise to you. As if she has something to apologise for. She loved you and you couldn’t even give her the benefit of the doubt.”

Kaidan closed his eyes, and looked down. Joker straightened, and headed for the door.

“Why did you come to tell me all this?” Kaidan asked quietly.

Joker stopped in the doorway, and looked back.

“Because I wanted you to know you walked away from the most incredible woman in the galaxy, who would have given you everything. But you already know that, don’t you?” and without waiting for a reply, he left.

Kaidan sat for a long time in silence, lost in his thoughts. He glumly looked to his left, and saw the datapad that had been delivered to him earlier still on the table beside his bed. He hadn’t read what was on it. They’d said it was from Shepard, but he’d expected nothing but a curt message suspending him from the Normandy team. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Kaidan tentatively reached over, and picked up the datapad.  

_Kaidan,_

_I honestly don’t know how you’ll take this, but I’ll just get on with it. I’ve spend too long on this message already and the galaxy isn’t going to save itself, but this needed to be said._

_I want you to know, for what I said on Mars, I am so sorry. I was angry yes, but I forgot to look at it from your perspective, and I understand Kaidan. I know you, you wouldn’t be so suspicious without reason. I know you probably won’t be able to ever trust me again, but I promise you I was never in league with Cerberus. My word probably doesn’t mean a lot anymore, but I give you that anyway._

_I guess we’ll never know what could have been, but I want you to know I never intentionally did anything to hurt you or to keep you in the dark. I tried to find you once I woke up, but the world had changed so much and I barely recognised myself sometimes. Waking up and being told you’ve been gone from the world for two years is a lot to handle, and while it seemed like yesterday for me, you had two years to move on with your life, I should have never expected you to drop everything and trust me after all that time._

_You hurt me, yes, but I can’t blame you for what you did. I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes, so don’t feel bad if anyone (ahem Joker) tries to make you feel guilty._

_Our time together on the Normandy meant everything to me, and I hope you can still look on those memories fondly too. I loved you once, but we’re different people now and you’ve moved on. I understand that, so have I. I wish you luck Kaidan, in anything you do, and I hope you get better soon._

_You’re a good soldier Kaidan, we need you out there fighting, so don’t stay in bed too long you hear? I wish you all the happiness in the world Kaidan, and I’m sorry things couldn’t work out between us. I just hope one day I may be allowed to still call you friend._

_Kathy_

Kaidan closed his eyes, tears leaking out and hitting the datapad with the gentle sizzle of cold water hitting the hot screen.  

“Yes.” Kaidan whispered, in response to Joker’s last unanswered question, laying his head back and staring at the ceiling. “I do know that.”

 

 

“So how was Thane?” Joker asked, munching casually on a stick of beef jerky.

“He’s at peace.” Shepard smiled. “I’m glad he’s made up with his son, it’s about time there was some happiness in the galaxy.”

“Which reminds me, we never had a proper wedding ceremony on Earth.” Joker said.

“Wasn’t much we could do about it, a ceremony isn’t exactly secretive. We’ve got the marriage license, that’s enough isn’t it? Or did you have something else in mind?”

“I dunno, I guess I just wanted a party, you know? Like in the vids, the old ones. Mom always went on and on about her wedding, best day of her life she always said, I feel like ours was just sort of swept under the carpet. I know it had to be then, but I missed the chance to show you off in front of the whole crew and I really wanted to do that.”

Shepard chuckled. “How about this, if we survive this war, we’ll get married in a big ceremony with all our friends in attendance, and we’ll have a huge reception and an after party and everything. Sound good?”

“I’ll hold you to that little miss.” Joker smirked. “I’ll finally get the chance to introduce you to my family as my wife. Gunny’s gonna freak out that you’re her sister-in-law.”

Shepard rolled her eyes fondly at her favourite pilot. She spotted James across the way and waved him over. He made his way over to the couple.

“Hey Lola there you are, been looking for you.”

“You saw the turian ambassador?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah, and it’s bad. They can only negotiate committing resources to Earth through the Primark, but here’s the thing; the Reapers have hit Palaven and they’ve lost contact with their Primark.” James reported.

“If they’ve already hit Palaven…” Joker said.

“Garrus…” Shepard looked at Joker worriedly.

“Garrus is a tough cookie Kat, he’ll be okay.” Joker said reassuringly, but even he didn’t sound convinced.

“The ambassador wants us to go to Palaven’s moon and find the Primark, it’s our best shot at getting the turian fleet to Earth.” James said.

“Alright. To Palaven’s moon then. Joker get EDI to prep the Normandy for take-off, James call in the crew for immediate dispatch. We’ve got a Primark to find.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late and pretty short! I've been busy with the holidays so I hope this chapter is okay!

“I don’t care who’s in charge here, I need someone that can negotiate with Earth.” Shepard snapped, her patience running thin.

This damn war was one giant inconvenience after another and the bitch of a thing had only just begun. A dead Primark and a lost replacement was not going to help her headache, add to that she was exhausted from Ash getting cholera and crying all damn night and not allowing her or Joker to sleep more than five minutes at a time.

She’d ended up having to leave Ash with Chakwas so they could get at least one hour of sleep before they reached Palaven.

Having a baby was one thing while you’re in lock-up on Earth, but having one in the middle of an inter-galatic war you’re trying to fight from all sides is another. And if there was one person you didn’t want to piss off, it was a stressed-out, exhausted, and impatient Commander Shepard on a mission.

“Don’t worry Shepard, I’ll find you the Primark.”

Shepard moved her gaze from the turian general to see a familiar set of blue armour striding towards her. Her irritated expression turned into a beaming smile.

“Garrus! You’re alive!” she smiled.

“I’m hard to kill, you should know that.” The turian said cheekily. “Good to see you again,”

“It is good to see you too.” Liara said.

“We’ve got the next in line for Primark for you, but he’s not going to be easy to reach. Reaper forces are all over his squad.”

“Sounds like a lovely stroll,” Shepard said casually cocking her rifle. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Garrus nodded.

Seeing Garrus again made Shepard’s day. Honestly not a lot of things could turn Shepard’s day around and make her smile once she was in a bad mood, but Garrus always could work miracles with her; that’s why they were best friends. Joker used to be jealous of that fact, but now he was just grateful for it.

He yawned and slouched in his pilot’s seat as he sleepily watched the video feed, not even awake enough to be worried for his wife stumbling through a warzone. EDI would wake him if something catastrophic was about to happen.

What did wake him up though was hearing a baby’s cry from the CIC. He turned in his chair to see James holding a crying Ash. The marine tried to calm the crying baby with a pacifier, but Ash began to squirm in his arms, causing him to very nearly drop her. Despite his delicate bones; Joker had never moved faster to get to Ash.   

“Hey! You don’t hold her like that you’ll drop her!” he snapped, taking Ash off James, and holding the baby in his arms. “You need to hold her head, and when she cries you hold her on your shoulder not shove a pacifier in her mouth – don’t you know anything?”

He cradled Ash against his shoulder, taking away the pacifier so she could gnaw gummily on his shirt collar. The baby calmed in Joker’s arms, gurgling happily as he gently bounced her in his arms.

“It’s my fault Joker,” Chakwas said, coming up the CIC. “Vega was intended to deliver Ashley to you, when I should have undertaken the task myself.”

“Sorry Joker.” James said meekly.

Joker sighed. “It’s alright just – be careful with her okay?”

Joker travelled back up to the cockpit, propping up Ash in his lap and handing her a little toy for her to occupy herself with while he watched the video feeds from the ground team.

“Shepard, I hope you pick your next crew member with a little more care. Vega almost dropped Ash on the CIC.” He said through the comms.

“He did what?!” Shepard momentarily stopped firing at the Reaper forces, allowing a Cannibal to get too close.

Luckily Garrus was there covering her back and fired a concussive round into its head, allowing Shepard to continue her conversation.

“It’s all right she’s fine now, I’ve got her.” Joker told her.

“Dammit James.” Shepard muttered as she threw a flashbang grenade into the horde of enemies. “Tell me everything when I get back, and tell James he’s got one hell of a lecture on the way.”

“Aye aye ma’am.” Joker smirked. “Cannibal at three o’clock ma’am.”

“They’re everywhere o’clock Joker!” Shepard said exasperatedly as she fired into the crowd. “I know how to navigate a battlefield, but thanks for the help.”

“No problem.” James said cheekily.

“That was sarcasm Flight Lieutenant.” Shepard said dryly.

“No!” Joker said in tones of mock-surprise. “I would have never guessed!”  

“Don’t make me kick you out onto the sofa tonight Jeff.” Shepard smirked.

“You wouldn’t.” Joker paled.

“Oh, wouldn’t I?” she replied smugly.

Garrus chuckled. “I think Shepard won this round.”

Joker grumbled. “Yeah all right, Joker out.”

Ash giggled as she tossed her toy around, and Joker chuckled as he tussled her already thick red hair.

“Your mama is so cruel to me.” He said teasingly as he tickled the baby’s sides. “I can only imagine what tricks you’re gonna play on me when you’re grown up.”

 

 

“Scoped and dropped!” Garrus cheered. “Another one for me, how many have you got Shepard?”

“Count how many you’ve got, then add two. Always add two. You know I’m always two steps ahead of you Vakarian.” Shepard said.

“Prove it Shepard! Ha! 47 for me!”

“You’re out of luck Vakarian! 54!” Shepard shouted as she took down another husk.

“You’re both way out of your league – I’m up to 60!” Adrien said smugly.

“Do you…are they…are you making this into a competition?” the new Primark looked to Liara as though she could provide a sane answer.

She merely shrugged and sighed. “It is…something they do, yes.”

“Whoo! 58! You better watch out brother, I’m catching up!” Shepard called.

“Not a chance sister!”

Liara smiled sheepishly. “You get used to it.”

That was the kind of people that ran with the Normandy, the crazy ones. But you had to be crazy to run with Commander Shepard, and Shepard chose her crew with care.

To be welcome aboard the Normandy you had to be three parts brave, two parts skilled, and one part crazy. Mix those three together with the Commander and her pilot, and you got the most loyal and dedicated crew in the galaxy. Even if they were all insane.

Anyone who didn’t get used to that insanity were the kind of people who didn’t get along with Shepard. Luckily, that kind of people were few and far between.

 

 

“Joker set a course for Tuchunka. We need to recruit the krogans if we’re going to win back Palaven.” Shepard made her way out of the war room, leaving the turian Primark with the Alliance military tacticians as she made her way to the cockpit.

“Aye aye ma’am.” Joker replied. “Setting us on the FTL now.”

“Good man. Relay these orders to the ship – everyone get some rest. Emergency crew members are to remain in their posts to be relieved by the night shift in five hours. Night cycle has officially begun.”

It wasn’t time for night cycle to begin, but she knew her crew needed rest. Especially her team, her pilot the most.

She sighed as she sank down into the copilot’s chair, smiling at Joker who was cradling a sleeping Ash in his arms.

“Why did you get Chakwas to take her when she fell asleep?” she asked.

“Ash would whine whenever I let her go.” Joker replied. “I couldn’t bear to hear her cry, so I couldn’t let go.”

“Aw babe that’s so cute.” Shepard grinned, pulling up her arm and snapping a holo with her omnitool. “I can watch her if you’d like to go get some sleep.”

“I can –” Joker’s voice was cut off by the power suddenly faltering for a moment, before resuming.

“EDI?” Shepard questioned. “EDI what just happened?”

EDI didn’t respond, causing her to frown. Then he heard Joker curse softly under his breath while looking at the surveillance cameras.

“Um Commander…the AI Core’s on fire.”

Shepard rubbed her face tiredly and sighed. “What the fuck is it now? I swear this ship is more like a circus…”

Despite her bored tone, Shepard was quick to get up and race down to the AI Core, manually activating the fire extinguishers in the room. Chakwas wandered after her in concern, looking worriedly over her shoulder as the smoke began to clear.

“EDI?” Shepard said urgently. “Are you okay?”

Then, out of the smoke, came the Cerberus robot from Mars. Shepard gasped and pulled out her pistol, aiming for its head. Could this be tech like the geth? Had it destroyed EDI and taken her place?

“I…am functional, Shepard.” The robot said.

Shepard lowered her pistol. “…EDI?”

The mech looked around, moving its limbs slowly, as though testing Shepard’s question.

“Yes.” It said eventually.

“EDI, what the heck happened?”

“I was attempting to transfer my consciousness into this mech’s body for optimal capacity, but it seems there was a slight malfunction in the execution. Everything is now under control however; my Core is unharmed and I have complete control over this body.” EDI responded.

Shepard groaned tiredly and holstered her pistol. “EDI, I’m happy you’re okay, but next time, warn me before you potentially blow up the ship?”

“The Normandy was in no danger of exploding Shepard, however I apologise for worrying you.” EDI said. “I will assume my position as your co-pilot and accompany you on your ground missions to be more effective help in this war.”

“Thanks EDI,” Shepard smiled.

“Joker is going to love EDI’s new body.” Chakwas chuckled from behind her.

EDI smiled. It was odd to see an AI smile, but it seemed more odd that it looked normal.

“I suspect Jeff is far more interested in the Commander’s body than mine doctor, if my scans are any indication to his arousal whenever the Commander is in the room.” EDI said.

“EDI!” Joker shouted through the comms. “I don’t need your help embarrassing myself in front of the Commander I do that well enough of my own thanks!”

Shepard laughed, blushing and covering her mouth with her hand.

“She better be right Joker, because if I catch your eyes hovering where they shouldn’t be while EDI is working, you know I’ll have to tear them out and chuck them into space.” She mock-threatened.

“Oh, don’t worry, there’s only one woman in this galaxy my eyes are interested in. Speaking of which, isn’t it time we retired for the night, ma’am?” Joker purred.

Chakwas chuckled. “Oh, to be young again. Pace yourselves children, it could be a long war.”

Shepard laughed as Chakwas nudged her side with her elbow, winking as she left the med bay, EDI looking extremely amused despite not having an expression on her face.

With Ash comfortably in bed, EDI manning the helm, and the rest of the ship asleep, Joker and Shepard had the night all to themselves. The scene was set; romantic lighting, wine, soft music, the works. Shepard quickly jumped in the shower, her lingerie hanging just outside the cubical, ready to treat her husband for the night.

When Shepard jumped out of the shower, she heard soft snoring, and when she poked her head out of the bathroom, she saw said husband fast asleep, still in his Alliance blues. Shaking her head fondly, Shepard disregarded her inquire and packed it away for another night, instead getting into her Alliance night clothes, and crawling into bed beside Joker. Carefully she removed his cap and outer layer of uniform, before lying over his chest and pulling up the covers to her chin.

Joker mumbled in his sleep, arms unconsciously tightening around Shepard as she settled against him. She smiled against his chest, not at all upset that their night had been halted. Sometimes, just being beside the man she loved was even better. 


	5. Chapter 5

No one had given more thought about how they would die than Commander Shepard. The ordinary person never had to think about such things; even the ordinary marine didn’t dwell on death as much as her.

Death was a subject that haunted her constantly, ever since she was 16. She’d always wondered why she hadn’t died with the rest of her family that day. What saved her, of all people? Why her? Why did she do to be spared all those years ago? What had she done to deserve resurrection?

The music box by the cot was the only noise in the darkened room. It was supposed to soothe, and while it certainly worked to put Ash to sleep, it only served to keep Shepard awake.

She’d been thinking about this increasingly, and the more she thought, the more she despaired. What had she done for all this? Ashley had once shared with her, her belief in God; a higher power with a purpose for all. Shepard wasn’t sure what she thought about that. Did she have a higher purpose? Had she been chosen for all this, was that why she survived against all odds? Why her?

As a little girl, she had never wanted this. She could have never dreamed of stardom or heroism, it just wasn’t in her blood. She might have never grown up into the woman she was today if that batarian attack never came. She couldn’t be sure if that was a good or bad thing. So many things in the galaxy would have gone wrong without her, but so many things would have gone right too.

She rolled onto her back, staring up at the window in the ceiling. She stared into space, wondering what would have been, had she stayed up there, floating, cold, and dead. The vast emptiness of space engulfed her, and always brought her back to the day she died. So many had died that day, what made her so special? Who decided she was worth more than those other lives?

When she had retrieved the dog tags from the Normandy’s crash site for Hackett, she had gone to the homes of the fallen crew member’s families herself, each and every one, to deliver the tags and her sincere apologies. Some greeted her with open arms, some thanked her, and some spewed grief-filled rage at her, for living while their loved one had died.

She had never told anyone about her visits, but they always remained in her mind. Always making her think; what _did_ make her so special? Why had the universe decided it needed her more than anyone else? She’d lost friends over the years, and she would continue to lose them in this war, and each death ate away at her inside.

Another death she was responsible for. Another life she had outlived. Another person the universe had decided was less worthy than her.

The music box continued to play its melancholy tune, and Shepard sighed as she slipped out of bed. She wrapped herself in a warm robe, and leaned over the cot to watch Ash sleep. Her baby girl. Her mother would have been so proud. The music box was one of the few possessions Shepard had from childhood; her mother would play it at night for her and her sisters to send them off to sleep, and sang along with the tune until all the girls were in dream-land.

Shepard, as a young girl, had clung to that soothing music box like her life depended on it when the batarians came, as though the music could ward off her fears.

The song always made her cry, so she’d never played the music box again. Honestly she’d forgotten she’d owned it until Liara found it in her closet while she was putting her new baby things from the Citadel in there.

She hummed softly and she carefully picked up the sleeping child, cradling her in her arms as her mother done for her little sister long ago. Quietly, she began to sing:

_Listen oh listen_

_The dead are awake tonight,_

_Can you hear them cry?_

_Listen oh listen_

_The dead are warning you right,_

_Can you hear them sigh?_

_The Wolf is just outside_

_Caught in the dark riptide,_

_But you are safe inside._

_Hush now my child,_

_The world is asleep tonight,_

_Fear not the Wolf’s bite_

_For soon comes the daylight_

_And mama will make it right._

She continued to hum, gently swaying back and forth, lulling Ash into a deeper sleep. She combed back her red hair from her face, smiling softly. Hard to believe her baby was already six months old. Shepard would have loved to have her mother meet her little girl, and her darling husband. Her sisters would have loved Joker dearly.

Ashley would have loved the little girl too, had she lived to see her.

Shepard looked at the sleeping pilot in their bed, buried beneath the blankets and illuminated only by the glowing light from the fish tank. She didn’t feel right, having this. Why should she have this, when everyone she’d ever known were in danger? Earth was burning. Palaven under siege. Thessia on the front lines and Tuchunka under attack.

All she had done to prevent this very war, and it had happened anyway. The inevitable had come. And now, they could not afford to lose. So many lives, lost. So many more if they failed. And they were all depending on her. Why her? What made her so damn special?

“Hmm? Kat?”

Shepard hadn’t realised she’s spoken aloud until Joker roused from sleep and looked over at his wife in concern.

“Hey babe, sorry did I wake you?”

“Cold without you.” Joker murmured sleepily.

He was adorable when he was sleepy. Shepard smiled fondly.

“I’m sorry honey, I’ll come back to bed.”

Joker shook his head and yawned, stretching and getting up out of bed before padding over to his wife and wrapping his arms around her and the baby.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked.

Shepard sighed, and nodded. “Thinking too much.”

Joker kissed her temple softly. “Need to tell your thoughts to be quiet. You need rest.”

“I know…”

“What’s on your mind babe?”

Shepard looked down at Ash, sleeping soundly in her arms, and brushed a lock of hair behind her little ear. She sighed again.

“Nothing.” She lied. “Just missing the people that have left us.”

“Thinking about Ash? Your family? You know they’d all be so proud of you Kat,” Joker said.

“I know.” Shepard murmured. “I just wish I could have saved them. With this war going on…there’s so many lives I could have saved if I’d just stopped this from happening. I could have saved them all.”

“You can’t save everyone Katherine,” Joker squeezed her gently.

Shepard leaned back in Joker’s arms, taking comfort from his warmth.

“Jeff, do you believe in destiny?” she asked after a while.

“Like an unescapable fate?” Joker asked.

“Yeah. Like we’re all put on a path that we have to follow, that we’re destined to find our way to even in the dark. Sometimes, I feel like someone put me on this path a long time ago, and that I have to go through such suffering and pain and hardships so others don’t have to.”

“Like a Shepherd leading the flock.” Joker said quietly, smiling at his wife. “I think so too.”

“You reall think I was meant for this?”

“I do. I might not know if there’s a God or whatever that chose you for this, but I know you’re the only woman I know that could ever pull this off. You were meant for this Kat, you’re good at what you do and no one could take your place. Every time you arrive on a battlefield, you’re like a ray of light leading the way to victory, and you’re like the purge to our enemies. You’re a miracle worker, but you’re also human, and make mistakes just like us. You can’t go on forcing yourself to be perfect all the time, you have to remember mistakes will happen, and that will never be your fault. We’re all here for you, we’re here to follow you to the ends of the galaxy. And we wouldn’t just follow anyone, now would we?”

It always amazed Shepard how Joker managed to sense what she was thinking even when she didn’t share her thoguhts. He knew she was feeling insecure and questioning herself, and he knew just what to say to make her feel better.

“Thank you my darling,” she whispered, kissing Joker softly. “Thank you so much, for everything.”

“Anything for you sweetheart.” Joker replied. “I love you.”

“I love you too Jeff.” Shepard reached up a hand to cup Joker’s cheek. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I swear I won’t let you go. No matter what happens in this war, this family is staying together. And when this is over, we’re going to get married properly and settle down somewhere warm and quiet and raise our beautiful daughter together.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” Joker smiled, and leaned in to kiss her.


	6. Chapter 6

“She’s so little.” Wrex’s voice held a sort of wonder, and it hit Shepard like a tonne of bricks. Wrex had never seen a baby so close before, because of the genophage he probably never would.

“She’s just a baby Wrex,” Shepard smiled gently. “You can hold her if you want.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Joker frowned from the mess table. “Like no offense Wrex but uh…you’re kind of a force of nature, you know? Breaking things comes naturally to you.”

Wrex rolled his eyes. “Humans are soft, so you get paranoid when around species like ours. I know how to not kill humans, otherwise I would have killed Shepard by accident by now every time she hugs me.”

Shepard chuckled. “It’s all right Joker, I trust him.”

The krogan took the little girl with more gentleness than Shepard believed him capable of. Ash giggled up at Wrex, her little hands beating against his arm in play. Wrex chuckled.

“Quite a fighter,” he commented. “Just like you Shepard.”

Shepard smiled.

“Is this her? Hey how come Wrex gets to hold her before me?” Shepard glanced up to see Garrus emerging from the main battery, a sore look on his face.

“Because Wrex actually has opposable thumbs,” Adrien said casually drinking his coffee. “Less risk of dropping her Mister Three Fingers.”

“Hey they’re talons.” Garrus retorted. “And I can hold things just fine Mister Five Fingers,”

Adrien shrugged. “Wrex is our favourite.”

“Oh, he is not.” Shepard rolled her eyes. “You’re all my favourite.”

“Speak for yourself sister, but the turian can’t play poker to save his life.” Adrien replied.

“And you’re no sharpshooter Little Shepard.” Garrus teased.

“I’m not little! God my sister’s like three minutes older than me it doesn’t count!”

“You’re still the little one.” Wrex chuckled.

“Gee thanks, you’re no longer my favourite Wrex.” Adrien huffed.

“Does that mean I get to hold Ash now?” Garrus grinned.

“I haven’t finished my turn yet!” Wrex argued.

“You’ve had enough time, it’s my turn now! Let me hold her! She likes me better than your scary ass.”

Joker smirked in amusement. “Guys anyone else would think you love her more than us.”

“We do.” Garrus said simply. “Unlike you Ash doesn’t make smart comments.”

“Yet.” Shepard said.

“Don’t ruin my dreams Shepard.” Garrus complained.

Wrex gave a deep rumbling laugh as little Ash gnawed gummily on one of his claws. Even at six months old, Ash was tiny in Wrex’s hands. Shepard wondered how small a krogan baby would be in comparison. Or a turian one. Her eyes flickered to Garrus, who was watching Ash in amazement.

“She looks just like you Shepard.” He said.

“Not quite,” Shepard replied. “The bone structure is all Joker’s.”

“Bone structure?!” Joker choked on his coffee. “Are you saying she’s like me?! Kat why didn’t you tell me!”

“No, it’s not like that Jeff calm down!” Shepard cried. “She doesn’t have brittle bone disease, I promise. Chakwas says she’s the picture of health. I just mean, she’s got your features. See? In her face, that’s all your hanidwork.”

Joker calmed, feeling relieved he slouched in his chair. Then he shrugged at Shepard’s observations.

“I think she looks like you. Which is a good thing because let’s be real, you’re the looker in this relationship.”

“We agree on that much.” Liara smirked devilishly as she emerged from her office for lunch.

“Hey you’re not supposed to agree!” Joker cried. “You’re meant to be like ‘oh no Joker you’re a stallion don’t think like that’.”

Shepard burst into laughter, as did the rest of the team.

“Who says that ever?” she cackled as she learned against the mess table for support. She doubled over in laughter, Liara giggling over her food as she took it from the microwave.

Joker folded his arms over his chest and huffed, glaring at his friends.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You better hope I don’t come at you with a pair of scissors tonight little miss.”

“You wouldn’t _dare_.” Shepard stopped laughing immediately and looked at him in horror.

“Oh, wouldn’t I?”

“Touch my hair Joker and your hands _are_ coming off.” Shepard said matter-of-factly.

“Is someone keeping score of this?” Garrus wondered.

“Yes, in fact. 24 for Shepard, 3 for Joker.” Liara smirked.

“Ha!” Wrex burst out into another bout of laughter, causing the others to start up again.

Joker just rolled his eyes, his sour look breaking into a smile as Shepard slipped in beside him and leaned up against him, kissing his neck to apologise.

Ash let out a squealing laugh as Wrex lifted her up and down, giggling non-stop even as Garrus took her and began to gently bounce her in his arms. Shepard smiled.

“She’s beautiful Shep.” Garrus said. “Ashley would have been so proud.”

“Yeah,” Joker murmured.

 

 

Shepard’s smile turned bittersweet. She wished her friend could be here. Her friends all loved Ash and doted on her like parents, she would love to have her entire team with her to introduce them to little Ash, but with this war it wasn’t certain she’d even see the old gang again. Or her brother either.

Matt had gotten to meet Ash, he had helped Joker and Adrien take care of her while Shepard was in lock-up, but it was still so strange to have her family alive and yet be separated from them like this.

“Guys?” Shepard asked. “I’d love for you to do something for me.”

“What is it Shepard?” Liara asked.

“I would love for you all to be godparents to Ash.” Shepard said.

“I’m not sure I follow Shepard. What is a godparent?” Garrus frowned.

“It’s a human tradition, the parents will select their closest friends to be godparents to their child in case anything happens to them, the godparents will help to look after the children. It’s more of a symbolic thing, since I know you guys would already do that for me, but if anything happens to me and Joker, legally Ash could go to any of you instead of an orphanage.”

“I’m in!” Wrex looked very happy with the idea of being a godparent.

“I would love to,” Liara smiled.

“More than happy to Shepard.” Garrus said.

“Thank you.” Shepard beamed. “I’m going to ask Tali as well, if we meet up with the Migrant Fleet at some point. You four have been with me since the beginning, I could think of no one better to raise my girl if anything happens to me.”

“You say that now, but wait until Wrex and Garrus start give her guns for her first birthday.”

“We’d have the safety on.” Garrus defended.

“Gee that makes me feel so much better.” Joker said dryly. “If I get shot by my own kid I’m blaming you two. And Kat for making you godparents.”

“At least Liara and Tali will be good role models. No teaching our daughter to steal starships and sass her Commanders,” Shepard said with a pointed look at Joker.

“Hey if I didn’t steal the Normandy we never would have met, and this conversation would not even be happening. You should be thanking me for being such a bad influence.” Joker said defensively.

“I suggest not taking life advice from Jeff to heart.” EDI commented over the comms.

“EDI just fly the damn ship.” Joker groused.

Shepard chuckled. “You’re just sore because you can even get schooled by an AI these days.”

“Oh, har har I am _so_ glad I married you.” Joker muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“The high levels of dopamine in your system of late suggests that you could not, in fact, be any happier Jeff.” EDI said.

“EDI stop scanning my brain to make a point!”

The team burst out laughing again. Joker remembered a time when he laughed at the crew’s expense, oh how the tables had turned.

But no matter how much fun one could have on the Normandy, reality always managed to catch up with you sooner or later. And the cold reality was; the war was just getting started.

 

 

The krogan always mildly depressed Shepard, now even more so. On a mission to rescue the few fertile females the krogans had, Shepard had seen in Wrex’s eyes just how desperate the krogan had become, just how much their women must have suffered. She held her baby to her like she was the most precious thing in the galaxy.

She would end this genophage if it was the last thing she did; no one should die before they had a chance to live.  

“Take care of her for me,” Shepard said, handing Ash to her brother.

“She’ll be safe with me Kathy.” Adrien promised. “You go and make a future for the krogan, we all believe in you.”

Shepard nodded. “Wrex! Let’s get going, we’re nearing Sur’Kesh!”

“Finally!” Wrex grunted. “Another minute arguing with the salarian and I would have had to eat him out of spite.”

“No eating the ambassador Wrex,” Shepard said, gathering her gear. “And no eating the scientists when we get there. We need to make friendly remember? Niceness is the key to diplomacy.”

“Niceness.” Wrex snorted. “Since when have you ever employed niceness in your diplomacy Shepard?”

“Since always.”

“You mean hanging up on the Council, telling the Illusive Man to go fuck himself, and screaming in ambassador’s faces about Reapers is your nice diplomatic strategies?” Joker raised an eyebrow. “I’d hate to see you on a bad day then.”

“Shut up before you get a thermal clip in the head.” Shepard muttered.

Joker chuckled. “And there’s my wife right there; so gentle and kind, the picture of feminine grace.”

“You know what they say about Shepard Joker,” Garrus said as he joined them at the airlock. “She’s beauty, she’s grace –”

“And she’ll punch you in the face.” Liara finished, coming up behind Garrus.

Shepard smirked. “Aw guys, that’s so ssweet of you to say.”

“And accurate.” Wrex rumbled. “Though maybe not the grace part.”

A swift headbutt ended the conversation, even if Wrex just laughed and followed Shepard out onto the planet’s surface. Joker shook his head.

“Why do I always get the crazy ones?” he muttered to himself.

“According to my analysis –”

“Rhetorical EDI, the question was rhetorical.” Joker cut in.

“As you say Jeff.” EDI smirked.

“Not you too.” Joker groaned. “Don’t you start.”

“I would not dream of it Jeff.” EDI said, with that smirk still on her face.

“I am so regretting unshackling you.”

EDI laughed then, for the first time in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard leaned her head against the cool glass, hoping to calm her turbulent mind. The sound of traffic outside Huerta Memorial was oddly soothing; she could understand why Cortez liked to watch it while on shore leave.

She sighed, rubbing her temples gently, trying to massage her headache away. Her thoughts were running a million miles an hour and didn’t look to be slowing up anytime soon.

So much had happened in the last…how long had it been? Week? Less? God had it only been that long?

Time seemed to have no meaning to her anymore. There was no night and day, no dates, no days of the week; there was just battle and sleep, battle and sleep. Hell, she couldn’t even remember what year it was on most days.

Most people have small goals, you know normal ones, like eating less cheesy snacks or asking their crush out to prom, but Shepard? Shepard wasn’t most people.

She settled for very little in her life; most people would have taken the Dalatrass’ offer and tricked the krogan into an alliance, but not her. Even though the alternative was harder, there was no way she could have let Wrex down.

As if curing the thousand-year old genophage and securing krogan forces for Palaven, ensuring the support of the turian fleets for Earth wasn’t enough, she’d managed to piss off the Reapers even more by killing one on Tuchunka, and freeing the Rachni Queen from their prison, and while most people would have called that a job-well done; then she stopped a Cerberus attempt to take over the Citadel, saved the Council’s life – again – and watched two of her close friends die.

Most people would have spaced that out over more than a few days. She closed her eyes, the dull sound of traffic nothing but a low hum in the back of her mind, as she thought back over the last few days.

 

_“After this I swear we have to get drunk.” Shepard muttered as she made her way through the tunnels, her team behind her._

_They had to find the rest of the krogan and meet up with them before they hit the Shroud._

_“Now you’re talking,” Wrex chuckled through their comms._

_“Preferably not while we’re on duty.” Liara said lightly._

_“Oh I don’t know, Lola could probably kick some serious ass even while drunk. Right Lola?” James smirked._

_“You know it Jamie,” Shepard winked._

_“Let’s not test that.” Cortez replied through the comms. “I still have to get you home in one piece.”_

_“Your pilot is no fun.” Wrex scoffed. “I like Joker better.”_

_“Oh he’ll loosen up after hanging with us for a while.” Shepard said._

_“Or end up in pieces. Whichever comes first.” Adrien shrugged._

_“No one likes a pessimist brother.”_

_“Must be why you have no friends sister.” Adrien commented._

_“Ouch!” Liara giggled._

_“Everyone who’s on my side, raise your guns.” Shepard said._

_The team raised their guns up high._

_“And everyone on Adrien’s side, keep your guns raised.”_

_Everyone lowered their arms. Shepard smirked._

_“I’m doing fine sweet brother, so I wouldn’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Show off.” Adrien scoffed._

_“I only advertise the truth.” Shepard sniggered. She stumbled as Reapers forces came out of nowhere, forcing the team to take cover, but Garrus grabbed her by the collar and held her up._

_“You should sleep after this Shepard. Rest up a bit.” He said, firing a high impact shot at a cannibal. “Even you have limits.”_

_“I’m fine, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Shepard dismissed. “Just been a long day.”_

_“Understatement of the century.” Adrien rolled his eyes. “First there was fighting Cerberus for the krogan female, then the Cerberus facility on Tuchunka, then that turian bomb mission, and now we’re curing the genophage? This day never ends.”_

_“Focus on the damn husks!” James said._

_“We’re focussed, we’re focused.” Adrien said casually, firing into the crowd of husks._

_“Maybe I should have traded you for EDI, she complains less.” Shepard grumbled as she threw a singularity._

_“Makes sense. After all, leaving your baby with an AI and taking your slow-ass non-metallic human brother along on a mission to kill a Reaper and cure the genophage instead of the other way around wasn’t a horrible decision at all.”_

_“I am quite capable of caring for Ashley, Lieutenant Shepard. She is at this moment emitting a high-pitched shrieking that Jeff has identified as squealing. I am tickling her tummy.”_

_“Tell Jeff to get photos.” Shepard grinned. “That’s going in the album.”_

_“Yes Shepard.”_

_“Anyway, I didn’t bring EDI because I don’t want her being within that close range of a Reaper. If they could control the geth they may find a way to hack EDI too. Organics won’t have that problem.”_

_“But us being blown up by a laser is totally cool.” Adrien said flatly._

_“You didn’t have to come_ cohete _,” James said. “If you don’t have the_ cahones _to get it done.”_

_“Less Spanish, more concern over dying please.” Adrien said._

_“It’ll be fun.” Garrus said. “Always wanted to get a closer look at a Reaper…and certain death.”_

_“Only if I get to laugh in both certain death and the Reaper’s faces.” Adrien smirked._

_“I don’t think either of those things have faces.” Liara frowned._

_“Oh death does.” Shepard said. “I remember specifically laughing in it after the Collector attack.”_

_“From your scars I’d say you spat in it more likely Lola.” James smirked_

_Shepard laughed. “That too.”_

_“Are you immune to death too Little Shepard?” Wrex laughed. “Is it a family thing or is your sister just a special snowflake?”_

_“Oh she’s always been a special snowflake trust me.” Adrien smirked._

_“Don’t make me toss you into a Thresher Maw pit Adrien.”_

_“I’d like to see you try Kathy.”_

Leave it to her brother to actually be excited to almost getting eaten by a Thresher Maw. He almost got his wish too, when they’d finally made it to the Shroud, and the Reaper guarding it. He’d expressed his jealousy that his sister had stood one-on-one with a Reaper and close-range and taken it down like there was no tomorrow.

He said it was the most awesome thing he’d ever seen. Personally, she wouldn’t have described the event as such. A living nightmare would be more accurate.

But it was always her team’s ability to make casual remarks and dry jokes in the heat of bloody battle that made her love what she did so much. It’s as if they thought making casual conversation during their fights made them invincible, or made them sound aloof and cool, as though bored with the action around them.

Shepard knew that was certainly the impression they gave to others. It made her laugh to think her team knew each other so well, and were so skilled in battle, that they had time to bicker over the events of a poker game or the laundry roster while battling a Reaper.

The team wasn’t complete, not by a long shot. She missed all the missing squad terribly.

“Commander?”

Speaking of the missing squad…

Shepard opened her eyes, glancing up at the approaching soldier.

“Kaidan? What are you doing here?”

“I just…came to drop by. I…I heard about your friend Thane.” Kaidan said quietly.

“Oh.” Shepard looked down. “Yeah. Thane was a good friend…he didn’t deserve to die like that…”

Before she knew it, Kaidan had hugged her. She hadn’t realised how much she’d needed it until then, and she rested her head on his shoulder, gripping his shirt in her hands. She let out a shaky sigh, but she didn’t cry.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to shoot you Kaidan.” She mumbled.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to shoot you either Shepard.” Kaidan replied.

He let go of her, but didn’t return to the distance he’d been at earlier.

“How are you holding up? Things got a little tense there for a moment.”

“I’m okay.” Shepard said.

“Liar.” Kaidan gave a small grin. “You can’t fool me Shepard.”

Shepard let out an irritable huff. “Guess not.”

“I think I might have just the thing to cheer you up,” Kaidan smiled.

“Yeah? Shoot.”

“I heard Cerberus gave you an upgraded biotic amp. I’m curious to see how it matches up to mine.”

“Is that a challenge Major Alenko?”

“Only if you accept it, ma’am.” Kaidan waggeld his eyebrows comically, making Shepard laugh.

“Wow I dunno Kaidan, how am I supposed to measure up to the second human Spectre?” she teased.

“It doesn’t have as much of a ring to it as yours.” Kaidan tutted.

“Still, it’s an important position. And you’re just the man for the job, we need more people out there like you Kaidan.” Shepard nodded.

“I dunno I’ve been out of the field for a while, might need to brush up on my skills. I don’t think the shooting gallery was too badly damaged during the coup if you don’t mind spending time with the second human Spectre?” Kaidan said causally.

“And where’s this invitation coming from?” Shepard aske curiously.

“It’s my failed attempt at an apology.” Kaidan admitted, looking sheepish. “I didn’t trust you when I should have had your back, and I can’t ever take what I did back.”

“Kaidan –”

“No, don’t.” Kaidan said softly. “Don’t defend me. I know what you’re going to say, and no it’s not okay. The woman I knew on the SR-1 was here in front of me the entire time and I was too blind to see it.”

“Kaidan –”

“I’m sorry Shepard, I should never have doubted you. I didn’t mean to say the things I said, I was just – everything was just so…overwhelming and I – I couldn’t think straight, and by the time I could it was too late – and then I just messed everything up –”

“Kaidan it’s okay.” Shepard rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. “I understand. I always understood. There’s nothing to be sorry for, I forgave you a long time ago.”

Kaidan let out a relieved breath.

“Hackett asked me to be part of his team,” he said.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at the change of topic, but didn’t comment. “Kaidan that’s great, it’s a great opportunity.”

“I know, and it’s an honour but I…I kinda want to finish this war on the Normandy. If you’ll have me, Commander.”

Shepard smiled warmly. “Kaidan there’s always a place for you on the Normandy. Of course you’re welcome.”

“Thank you, Commander.” Kaidan murmured.

Shepard straightened up, and looked to Kaidan with a grin. “Now, what’s this you were saying about the shooting gallery?”

Kaidan laughed, and lead the way.

 

 

“This is SSV Normandy requesting lock out, over.” Joker tapped away at the console as the crew meandered back onto the ship, ready to ship out again.

“SSV Normandy you are cleared for lock out, initiating pre-flight procedures now.”

“Acknowledged. We got coodinates Commander?” Joker asked looking behind him.

He blinked and what he saw. “Well damn, I bet 100 credits you wouldn’t come back, looks like I owe Garrus.”

Kaidan grinned. “You know me Joker, always love to prove you wrong.”

“Guess so. Welcome back?” Joker said uncertainly.

Shepard chuckled. “It’s okay Joker, Kaidan’s made amends, I welcomed him back to the Normandy.”

Joker nodded. “Well that’s good enough for me ma’am.”

“Thanks Joker.” Shepard smiled

“Commander, could I have a moment with Joker?” Kaidan asked.

“Sure, take your time Kaidan. Set a course for the Migrant Fleet Joker. EDI, did you have more questions for me?”

“Yes Shepard, I wanted to ask you about human purpose.” EDI got up from the copilot’s chair and followed Shepard down the CIC, letting Kaidan take his spot beside Joker.

“So.” Joker said.

“So.” Kaidan nodded, the both of them somewhat awkward around each other now.

“So the Commander says you’re welcome, and as long as she says that you’ll get no backlash from me. We’re professionals Alenko, we can get alone right?”

“Right.” Kaidan agreed. “No hard feelings Joker.”

“No hard feelings.” Joker nodded. “So how did you make it up to the Commander?”

“Took her to the shooting range in the Spectre hub.”

“She win?”

“You’ve met the Commander yeah?” Kaidan smirked.                     

Joker chuckled. “How much did she beat you by?”

“208 headshots to 78.” Kaidan answered.

Joker laughed. “Schooled Alenko! You would have thought you’d learned your lesson the first time she beat you into the ground.”

“Apparently, I don’t learn easy.” Kaidan grinned.

“You never did.”

The boys laughed, thinking of the last time Kaidan had challenged the Commander’s skills. The first and last time.

“You are cleared for take off Normandy.”

“Roger that. Setting course for the Migrant Fleet. Let’s hope we don’t run into any Reapers on the way.”

“So, what’s with the robot that almost killed me walking around?”

“Oh that? That’s EDI, our ship AI. She took over the body after we recovered it.” Joker said.

“You have an illegal unshackled AI?” Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

“Ah she’s cool, she saved my life.” Joker replied. “She’s harmless. Word of warning though, her sense of humour is kinda warped, so if she talks about forgetting to recycle the air or whatever, she’s just joking.”

“A joking AI.” Kaidan muttered flatly. “I’ve heard it all now.”

“This is the Normandy Alenko, this ship has never been what you call normal.”

“No that’s true. That’s very true. I mean you’re piloting this thing for one.”

“Hey that hurts my feelings.”

“Oh suck it up princess.” Kaidan grinned and stood up. “I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll see you later Joker.”

“Alright see ya.”

Joker wasn’t exactly happy to see Kaidan on the Normandy again, but if Shepard was satisfied with his apology, Joker wouldn’t argue. Still, he had a bad feeling in his stomach. Why? Was he jealous? There was no reason to be, it’s not as though Shepard was going to run back into Kaidan’s arms now he was within spitting distance of her. She was over him. She loved Joker now, hell she married him and had his child, he knows full well she loves him.

He shook his head at how ridiculous he was being. He was only on edge because of their history and because of what Kaidan had done to Shepard. But, if Shepard had forgiven him, he would be civil. There was no reason to be jealous. No reason at all.


	8. Chapter 8

“Gentlemen.” Shepard leaned over the armoury with a Cheshire grin on her face.

“Ma’am.” Cortez nodded, a small frown on his face.

“Lola?” James questioned from his station.

“You seemed pretty tense on Tuchunka James, just wondering if you need to talk.” Shepard said.

James grinned. “Talk. Yeah. Sure Lola,”

"Let's dance Vega,"

Shepard smirked and jumped over the table, shedding her N7 jacket and leaving her in her sweats and sports bra. James chucked her a pair of sparring gloves and she caught them as she circled the shuttle bay with James. Cortex chuckled and shook his head as the two began sparring, talking over the mission as they threw punches at one another.

“That was real great what you did for the krogans Commander,” James said, ducking under Shepard’s high-kick.

“Glad someone agrees. I pissed off the salarians so much they won’t even help.” Shepard replied as she blocked James’ fist with her arm and brought her knee up his stomach, forcing him away from her.

“They’ll regret that when the Reapers are at their doorstep. Until then, let them be pissed off.”

He threw a couple of punches, but as usual he couldn’t hit the Commander as she spun to dodge them, delivering a swift hit herself.

“I guess you’re right. It’s just hard to play the diplomat in the middle of a war.”

“I hear you Lola, this whole situation is _loco_ ,” James managed to land a blow on Shepard, but she recovered quickly and kicked his right leg out, forcing him to one knee.

Before Shepard could kick him to the ground he rolled and got to his feet, kicking her in the side. She faltered for a moment before she kicked, but was blocked by James’ arms. He threw his arm at her, but she ducked under the hit and punched before she righted herself, dodging James’ blow again as he blocked another of her kicks with his own.

The dance had begun.

 

“You seen the Commander?”

Joker looked up from his coffee, seeing Kaidan sit in front of him, holding his own cup of caffeine. He shook his head.

“Not for a while. She went down to the shuttle bay an hour ago though.”

“Oh she’s probably just dancing with Vega.” Garrus said distractedly, looking over the latest report from Palaven.

“Dancing?” Kaidan frowned. “With Vega?”

“Sparring.” Joker clarified. “It’s something they do.”

Kaidan continued to frown as he sipped at his coffee. Sparring during their off hours was something he and Shepard used to do on the original Normandy. Forcing himself to think nothing of it, he dimly paid attention to Joker and Garrus’ conversation while he finished his coffee.

“Someone better make sure they haven’t killed each other down there.” Kaidan said casually, getting up and heading down to the shuttle bay.

The first thing he heard when he entered the shuttle bay was Shepard laughing. The sound hit him like a tonne of bricks and twisted his heart painfully. He found himself smiling without meaning to. He moved closer to investigate.

“You really need to work on your left flank Vega,” Shepard spun around the marine like a graceful ballerina, catching her foot on his left knee and pulled it out from under him.

But James was ready for her, and even as he went down he grabbed her arm and pulled her down with her. She yelped as they suddenly switched positons, James smirking down at her.

“And you need to watch how close you stand Lola.” He grinned.

 _Lola?_ Kaidan’s frown returned.

“Smug bastard.” Shepard chuckled. “Watch yourself Jamie, don’t let this cute face fool ya, this flower’s got thorns.” A swift roundkick to the stomach taught him that.

She got to her feet and the fight was back on, the two ducking and weaving and exchanging blows like they’d been doing it their whole lives. It was more or less true anyway.

“Don’t worry, I think you’re cute _and_ kickass Commander, with an emphasis on the ass.” James said teasingly.

“You do spend so much time behind me after all, you must get a good view while I’m out taking the brunt of the attack.” She teased back. “You did good back on Tuchunka though, good to know I have you watching my ass.” Shepard said.

“Oh, I can do more than _watch_ Lola,” James smirked.

The way Shepard laughed made Kaidan feel uneasy.

He managed to lull her too close, catching her in a headlock.

“Promises, promises.” Shepard purred.

Shepard got herself loose from James’ grip and chuckled as she spun around to face him again.

 “You’re way out of the Commander’s league Mr Vega.” Cortez said loudly over his repair job.

“Are you kidding me? Look at these guns, what girl can say no to all this?” James joked, flexing his muscles.

Shepard laughed, and began pulling off her sparring gloves.

“This girl right here. Good talk James, but duty calls.”

“As always Lola, thanks for coming by.”

Suddenly, a plan came to Kaidan’s mind. Jealousy overtook his senses, and he grinned to himself. He wasn’t about to let this guy take his place so easily. Shepard needed to be reminded of just how well they worked together.

“He wore you out that fast Commander? You’re getting slow in your old age.” He said jokingly.

Shepard looked over and gave a wide grin.

“Oh is that a challenge Kaidan?”

“And if it is, ma’am?” he teased.

Shepard chuckled. “We both know how this always ends, with you kissing the dirt.”

“We’ll see about that Shepard, you’ve been out of the game for a while remember? All that down time on Earth has made you soft.”

He jumped over the weapons bench and stalked over to her, taking in the familiar image in front of him. Shepard, her long hair tied back, sweat over her body, dressed in slacks and sports bra, sparring gloves dangling from her head. Oh yes, it was good to be back.

Shepard smirked, crossing her arms over his chest.

“Just like old times?”

Kaidan smirked back, read to step up to the challenge. “Just like old times.”

“Stand back James, and watch two biotic Spectres in action.”

“My money’s on Shepard!” Cortex called.

Shepard dropped the gloves, and as soon as they hit the ground, the fight was on. It had been a while since the two had sparred together, but it’s like they’d never stopped. They fought in sync, each familiar with each other’s movements and attacks.

Biotics flared and blue energy burst out through the shuttle bay as the two biotics battled it out, using their talent for focusing dark energy to enhance their battle skills. Shepard and Kaidan leapt about the makeshift battleground as though they had no gravity, running at each other and throwing biotic blasts through their punches as they passed one another.

Kaidan and Shepard were almost perfectly matched. Almost. But not everything could be matched, and Shepard had a few tricks up her sleeve. She managed several times to phase out of view and reappear behind him, knocking the wind out of him with an unexpected blow and tripping him over at times with a biotic pull.

Once, when he was a young LT, he couldn’t even land a blow on their Commander. But now, he managed to trip her actions over a few times, forcing her to rely on defense until she could muster up another attack.

In the end though, as always, Shepard beat him into the ground. He ended up on his back, Shepard looking smugly down at him, both of them panting hard. James let out an impressed whistle. Refusing to go down like a punk, Kaidan took that moment to kick out Shepard’s leg from under her, and she came crashing down on top of him.

“Oh you little rat!” she cried.

Kaidan laughed. “Never assume you’ve won when your enemy goes down, you taught me that Shepard.”

Shepard snorted. “Show off.”

She propped herself up more, hovering over him.

“I still win though.” She said smugly.

“Sure, I’ll let you have this one.” Kaidan replied.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh how I’ve missed your smart ass comments.”

Kaidan grinned. Just as he was about to lean forward and kiss her, she’d pushed herself to standing position and held out a hand for him. Reluctantly he took it, and she pulled him to his feet and headed back over to the weapons console.

“You put up a damn good fight Kaidan, that was the first real work out I’ve had in weeks.” She smiled.

“Hey!” James shouted.

Kaidan chuckled. “Anytime Commander.”

She gave him a lopsided grin, and turned to put her gear back on. From out of her jacket’s pocket she pulled a beautiful golden ring, and slipped it back onto her finger before waving goodbye to the shuttle crew.

“Duty calls people, I’ll see you all later!”

Kaidan’s heart lurched as he took note of the ring’s position. Her ring finger? She was _married_? He turned his head to Vega, who had his back turned now, working on his gun. He glared. Seems like someone already beat him before he knew it.

 

 

“You look like someone just kicked the shit out of you. Oh wait, Shepard already did.” Joker smirked as Kaidan flopped unhappily into the copilot’s seat.

He only rolled his eyes and didn’t answer. He was still thinking about James and Shepard; sulking was more like it. He could understand why she liked him – he was built better than anyone Kaidan had ever seen, he was flirtatious and strong and seemed to respect her – but seriously, what did Vega have that he didn’t? he had never stopped thinking about Shepard while she had moved on, to a stronger and better-looking version of him.

Well, marriages could always crumble. When in war after all, tension rose, complications happened. The wedding band on her finger looked new, the marriage couldn’t be all that long, it was most likely a hasty decision with the war looming over their heads, and after all Kaidan hadn’t been around then. Well he was now, and it wouldn’t be hard to remind Shepard of that.  

He could make her happier than a quick fix in wartime, surely she still loved him as much as he loved her. They’d had complications in the past but that could be sorted out, they could work it out together.

“When’s the last time you slept properly?” Joker asked.

Kaidan simply shrugged.

Joker tutted disapprovingly. “You should get some rest Alenko, everyone needs sleep. Even the Commander passed out in the war room a few hours ago.”

“The Commander has a lot on her plate, it’s understandable she’s tired.” Kaidan said. “That’s why we have to take some of the load off her, wherever we can.”

“Yeah but she’s not gonna like you burning yourself out for it.” Joker replied.

“We’re going to need every advantage against the geth as we can get.” Kaidan rubbed his eyes tiredly. “The Migrant Fleet is still in danger, even with that geth ship out of the picture.”

“Oh yeah the one the Quarians blew up with our team on board, I remember.” Joker scowled.

Kaidan scowled too. “Yeah, not forgiving that one in a hurry, that’s for sure. Shepard could have been killed.”

“Never did like that Admiral,” Joker said. “Always too trigger happy when it came to the geth, and now he nearly gets our team killed to win some petty victory.”

There was a sudden crash sound in the distance, and Joker turned his head curiously. He frowned.

“Sounds like that came from the war room.” He said.

“I’ll check it out.” Kaidan pulled himself up and headed down to investigate.

The crew had long gone to bed, but clearly someone was still up. He made it passed the conference room and opened the door to the war room, stopping still as he saw a geth standing on the steps. He noticed the N7 armour on its shoulder, and realised it was the geth Shepard had found on the destroyer and brought back. He looked up at the sound of heated voices.

“Admiral Xen what you are suggesting is inhumane!” Shepard snapped.

“Inhumane maybe, but that thing is not human.” Xen insisted. “We can use it Shepard, find out the weakness of the geth and use that information to end this war. Would you have our people continue to die for the sake of the comfort of one geth?”

“Legion is not a _thing_.” Shepard growled, stepping up to the Admiral with a determined glare. “He is my _friend_ , and he’s saved our lives more than once. He is my ally on this ship and if you want my aid in this war you will _not_ touch him.”

“Shepard be reasonable –”

“You be reasonable!” Shepard shouted. “That geth is worth more than ten of you! I won’t have you torturing him so you can massacre his people! This war must end but not through genocide Admiral Xen.”

“Shepard’s right Xen,” Tali said. “More death solves nothing. I trust Legion.”

“That thing –”

Just as it looked like Shepard was about to punch Xen as she moved towards Legion, Kaidan stepped in front of the geth.

“You want the geth Admiral? You’re going through me.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

The Quarian glared at him. “Now _you_ defend it?”

“I don’t like the geth any more than you do Admiral, but the Commander trusts this one and that’s good enough for me. I trust her judgement and if Shepard says no one touches him, then no one touches him.”

Xen scoffed. “I see the Alliance chooses their officers among those who don’t question their superiors, no matter how insane the order.”

Kaidan raised one eyebrow. “You don’t know Shepard like I do Admiral.”

Xen muttered angrily to herself and stormed off, giving Legion a wide berth as she left. Kaidan rolled his eyes. With the threat gone, Legion set himself to work at one of the terminals along with Tali, and Shepard smiled as she made her way over to Kaidan.

“Thanks Kaidan. I know you don’t like the geth, but thank you for defending Legion.” She said.

Kaidan shrugged. “If you trust him, I trust him. You’ve never been wrong before, and I trust you.”

Shepard smiled, and placed her hand on his shoulder. She kissed his cheek softly.

“That means more to me than you know Kaidan.” She murmured.

“Anything for you Kathy.” Kaidan smiled.

A slight flush covered her face at the use of her name, but she smiled at him.

“Anyway, you should be sleeping Commander, not arguing with Quarians.”

“I got a little sleep, but then EDI reported a disturbance so I came down. I don’t sleep much these days,” Shepard admitted.

“You of all people need rest.” Kaidan said in concern.

Shepard sighed, and gestured from him to follow her. They took the elevator down to the crew deck, where Shepard propped herself up on the kitchen counter, turning on the coffee machine.

“I have nightmares,” she sighed.

Kaidan leaned against the counter next to her. “Nightmares? About what?”

“There was this boy, when we were leaving Earth. I tried to help him during the invasion, and I saw him again when we were leaving. He got into a shuttle, and it was shot down as soon as it took off. I keep dreaming about his face, wreathed in flames.” Shepard said quietly.

Kaidan rested his hand over hers, trying to offer some comfort.

“You did everything you could.”

“But it wasn’t enough.” Shepard sighed and closed her eyes. “It’s never enough. I can save as many people as I can, but it’ll never be enough. In my dreams I hear Ash’s voice, I hear Mordin and Thane and everyone I’ve had to leave behind.”

“Blaming you?”

“No, but I think that makes it worse.” Shepard ran her hand through her hair tiredly. “I’d feel better if they agreed with me. They never would in life, I can’t see why they would in death.”

“Everyone here is behind you all the way Commander,” Kaidan said, gently squeezing her hand. “That’s our choice, it’s not your fault.”

Shepard looked at him doubtfully. Kaidan gave her a reassuring smile, and tugged on her hand a little.

“Come on, let’s see if Chakwas has got anything to help you sleep.”

“Thanks Kaidan.” Shepard smiled. “I haven’t told anyone about the nightmares, it feels good to let it out.”

“You know I’m always here for you Shepard.”

He would have kissed her hand, but she slipped it out of his grasp before he could, and together they made their way to the medbay.

He’d have to be patient with Shepard, it was obvious she needed time to figure them out. And that was okay, he could wait. He’d waited this long after all. They’d work it out, he just knew it.


	9. Chapter 9

“You sure this a good idea?”

“No.” Shepard replied curtly, going over the datapad in her hand.

Joker pursed his lips, frowning over at her. Shepard kept her attention focussed on her datapad, going through the information Legion has passed on about the geth infected with the Reaper code. Anything involving the geth unnerved Joker – you couldn’t hack a person, but Shepard was a mix of tech and person now, there was no telling what kind of damage heretic geth could do to her.

Finally, Joker shrugged and returned to his morning coffee.

“Okay.” He said simply.

Shepard blinked, looking up at him over her datapad. “What?”

“I said okay. You’re the boss, you know what you’re doing.” Joker replied.

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “You mean you’re _not_ going to worry for the next hour about it?”

“Is there a reason I should be worried? Unless you think this mission _is_ crazy dangerous after all.” Joker said coyly.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing, because I do. Reverse psychology won’t work on me, I’m still going.”

“ _Madam_ , how dare you.” Joker said in tone of mock-insult.

Shepard smirked. Viper growled from under the table, jumping up on the seat next to Shepard and barking at the newcomer. Shepard looked over to see Kaidan back up from the varren, shooting an alarmed look at Shepard. She chuckled and clicked her tongue, petting Viper on the head to calm her down.

“It’s okay girl, he’s not a bad guy.” She cooed.

“I swear that varren hates me.” Kaidan commented as he slipped in opposite her and Joker at the mess table.

“Oh, she doesn’t hate you.” Shepard assured him. “Come on girl, let’s go and get ready for the mission okay? Go find Tali for me, go on.”

The varren immediately scampered off on a mission to find Tali in the engineering deck. Knowing Viper couldn’t access the elevators herself, Shepard got up to follow.

“Wish me luck boys. I’m taking on the geth on their home turf.” She grinned.

“Luck.” Joker said listlessly.

“Be careful Commander.” Kaidan replied.

Shepard gave a little salute, her golden ring shimmering in the light as she walked off. Another reminder to Kaidan how much he’d lost to time and rash decisions.

“I hope she’ll be okay,” Kaidan murmured.

“She’ll be fine.” Joker replied. “Katherine’s tough.”

Katherine?

The use of her name caused Kaidan to frown, looking at Joker closely. It was then that he noticed the ring on his finger. It matched Shepard’s. he felt his heart stop. He stood up abruptly.

“ _You_?” he said in astonishment.

Joker looked up, blinking. “Me?”

“You _married_ her?”

Joker’s eyes hardened then. His mouth set in a firm line, and he put down his datapad.

“And if I did?”

Kaidan glared. “I suspected Vega. Vega made sense, I could understand that. Didn’t mean I had to like it. But you?”

Joker got up, leaning over the table as a challenge to Kaidan.

“What are you trying to say Alenko? I’m not good enough? You can say it, go ahead, I’m not good enough.” Joker snapped. “Well guess what? Turns out I am. You were an idiot to leave her.”

“And you were quick enough to replace me.” Kaidan bit back.

“Replace you? You _left_. I stayed. There was nothing to replace, you made it perfectly clear your loyalties lay. You’re lucky she let you aboard the Normandy again – any other woman would have never even spoken to you again after what you did.”

“How many times must I apologise for that mistake? You going to hold that against me forever? Shepard forgave me, she at least has the common sense to understand.” Kaidan cried.

“She can forgive you a hundred times, it won’t change the facts Alenko. She chose me, not you. Deal with it.”

“Deal with you stealing my girl, the woman I love?” Kaidan snapped

“I stole nothing!” Joker shouted. “Katherine belongs to no one Alenko, not you, not me, not _anyone_. You need to remember that this is the woman who took down Saren, who stood death in the face and laughed, who destroyed the Collectors and is now taking on an army of Reapers with an un-united galaxy, don’t you dare presume she has to answer to any man in this universe!”

“Don’t you dare lecture me! I respect Shepard more than you could ever understand. You put her in a state of emotional vulnerability and took your damn chance, you had no right to do that Joker.”

“How dare you! You’re the one who put her in that state in the first place – I’m the one who picked up the pieces you left behind!”

“And that makes you worthy of her?”

“Makes me a hell of a lot more worthy than your cowardly ass!”

With a flare of biotics, Joker was suddenly against the wall. He winced as he felt bones crack on the impact. Kaidan stalked over to him, gripping him by the collar.

“The cowardly one of us is you, hiding in the cockpit while the rest of us do the real work.” Kaidan snarled. “Think about that the next time I’m down there with Shepard, keeping her safe while you sit up here and watch. And that’s why you’ll never be good enough for her Joker, I’ve fought beside her and watched her back through thick and thin – that kind of bond can’t be broken, no matter what you might think I’ll always be special to her in ways you can never be; I’ll be there for her when the enemies are closing in around us, like a real man should be, and at the end of the day, she’ll always love me more than you.”

_“Major Kaidan Alenko what the hell do you think you’re doing?!”_

There was a burst of biotic power and Kaidan was shoved back from Joker, revealing an angry Shepard coming around the corner.

“Explain yourself.” Shepard demanded. “What’s going on here?”

“Just an altercation ma’am,” Kaidan said stiffly. “It won’t happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t Major, we can’t afford infighting at a time like this.” Shepard said.

She turned to Joker, concern on her face. “Joker are you alright?”

“I’m fine Commander.” Joker muttered, getting up and beginning to limp away.

“Jeff are you hurt? You should go to Dr – ”

“I said I’m fine!” Joker snapped.

Shepard blinked, taken aback by the raised voice. Joker had never gotten angry with her over this. She always tried to be tactful without making Joker feel useless.

“I’m sorry, I was just worried –”

“You know I’m not made of glass Shepard. You don’t have to baby me all the damn time! I said I’m fine so I’m fine!” Joker shouted.

“Watch your tone with our Commander!” Kaidan snapped.

“Shut your mouth Alenko!” Joker shot back.

“ _Enough_!” Shepard shouted. “Flight Lieutenant you are to report to Dr Chakwas and that’s a god damn order! Major Alenko, report to your station! I will have no fighting on this ship.”

“Yes ma’am.” Kaidan saluted, while Joker just rolled his eyes at Kaidan and limped over to the medbay.

“Kaidan you know you can’t throttle Joker like that,” Shepard said softly once Joker was gone.

“I know, I’m sorry Commander. My anger got the better of me. I promise it won’t happen again.” Kaidan replied.

“I understand Joker can be obnoxious sometimes, but we have to work together to get this job done. I’ll check in once I’m back from this mission, but for now stay out of each other’s road.”

“Aye aye Commander.”

 

 

When Shepard returned from her mission, it was to find the Major Alenko slumped over the bar on the observation deck, a drink half empty in his hand. Shepard sighed, shaking her head as she stood in the doorway. Poor thing. She stepped closer, leaning against the bar, and tapping against the wood with her knuckles.

“Kaidan. You awake?”

Kaidan stirred, turning bleary eyes up towards her. He groaned, muttering something under his breath.

“S’okay…” he mumbled. “M’off duty ma’am.”

Shepard smiled fondly. “I’m going to bring you some coffee, and water. And medicine. Hang tight.”

The Commander came back with a pot of coffee, headache pills and a pitcher of water. Slowly feeding Kaidan the water and pills, as he began to sober up more, she gave him the now lukewarm coffee. He seemed to appreciate the gesture once he was aware enough to recognise it.

“You’re an angel,” he muttered into his coffee mug.

Shepard giggled quietly. “Anytime. What’s got you down Kaidan? Is it that fight with Joker?”

Kaidan shook his head, albeit slowly due to his oncoming headache.

“Then what’s wrong? It’s not like you to drink yourself into a stupor.”

Kaidan sighed, nursing his coffee sorely.  

“You.” He murmured. “Me. Us. It’s all wrong.”

Shepard frowned. What did he mean?

“You said we were good, after everything. We’re good, right?”

“Of course Kaidan. What’s going on?” Shepard asked, concerned.

“We’re not good.” Kaidan went on. “Not like before. It’s different.”

Shepard hummed in understanding. “You noticed that too huh?”

He looked at her, waiting for her to continue. She sighed.

“It might take time for us to go back to how we were before, but I’m sure we can be like that again.”

Kaidan smiled. “Really? You mean that?”

Shepard smiled back. “Of course Kaidan. You’re so important to me, that’s not ever going to change.”

“You’re so important to be too Kathy,” Kaidan said. “I thought about you, those two years you were gone. Couldn’t stop thinking about you. Nearly drove me insane. And now you’re here with me again and I can barely believe it.”

“Well I’m not going anywhere anytime soon I promise,” Shepard said, placing a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder. “So don’t worry. It’s just you and me right now,”

Before she knew it, Kaidan had closed the distance between them, and was kissing her. For a moment she couldn’t process what had happened, and sat there in shock.

At her lack of response Kaidan tried to deepen the kiss, but even as her eyes slipped closed to the sensation, her whole body froze up in the realization of what was happening. She quickly put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him firmly back, eyes wide open and breathing heavily.

“What the hell are you doing Kaidan?” she asked.

“You said you forgave me didn’t you?” Kaidan challenged. “What’s changed since then?”

“Kaidan just because I forgave you, that doesn’t mean we can pick up where we left off. Is that what you meant when you – oh god Kaidan no I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. We can’t be like that anymore, everything’s changed now.” Shepard said breathlessly, feeling the control of the situation quickly slipping out of her grasp.

Kaidan’s eyes hardened, and he stood up from the bar stool and began to stalk towards the window.

“I knew it. Nothing will be the same as long as _he’s_ in the picture.” He snapped.

Shepard got up, worriedly stepping towards Kaidan.

“Kaidan –”

“Two years Kathy!” Kaidan shouted. “For two years, I mourned you, I _loved_ you, I waited for myself to heal but I never could. Then I make one mistake, and you go running off to some other guy? Someone I thought was my friend, who just came in and replaced me like I was nothing!”

“Kaidan it’s not like that!” Shepard cried.

“Isn’t it?” Kaidan turned to her, hurt in his eyes. “Kathy you were everything to me. You still are. I still love you.”

Shepard didn’t know what to say, but Kaidan didn’t seem to need an answer. He stepped forward, continuing to speak as he walked towards her, ignoring how Shepard backed up with every step he took.

“Please give me another chance, I can make it up to you. I can understand I hurt you and you sought comfort in someone else, I get that, I’m not angry with you I promise, but I’m back now, I can take care of you and we can happy again.”

By this time, he had her against a wall, and Shepard didn’t like the look in his eyes. He was still intoxicated, he wasn’t recognising his behaviour like he would if he was sober. She knew he wouldn’t be doing this if the alcohol hadn’t lowered his inhibitions. She had to contain the situation, and fast.

“Kaidan, I’m sorry.” She said quietly, reaching up to cup Kaidan’s cheek. “I should have made things clearer to you before, that’s on me. I’m sorry Kaidan, you’ll always have a special place in my heart… but I love him.”

Kaidan lowered his eyes to the ground, leaning back to give Shepard some space. She kept her hand on his cheek, and he sighed as he reached up to cover her hand with his.

“Two years is a long time isn’t it?” he murmured. “Even to someone who doesn’t remember it.”

“I’m so sorry Kaidan.”

Kaidan looked up at her, lowering Shepard’s hand and just holding it in his between them.

“I pushed you too far.” He said.

“It’s more than that Kaidan,” Shepard said gently. “Our fight on Horizon really threw me, yes, but we both changed. It was two years for you, and after all that time, we just weren’t good for each other anymore. I’m not the woman you remember, I can’t ever be that woman again. Even if Joker wasn’t in the picture and we tried to make it work, I don’t think we could ever be right for each other again. Not after all this time.”

Kaidan gave a shuddering breath. “I was really hoping that…”

“I know. I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you.” Shepard murmured.

Kaidan squeezed her hand slightly, looking down at the ring on her finger. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it, before letting it go.

“I should have known when you didn’t say anything right away.” He sighed. “I just didn’t want to believe it.”

“You deserve to be happy Kaidan, it just can’t be with me.” Shepard said sadly.

“You really love him?”

Shepard nodded. “More than anything.”

“And you’re happy?”

“Yes. Very much.” Shepard answered.

Kaidan nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Kaidan confirmed. “That’s okay. You’re happy, that’s all that matters to me. I’m sorry for being such an idiot, again.”

“It’s alright.” Shepard smiled sadly. “Are you going to be okay?”

Kaidan smiled slightly. “I’m sure I will be. We’ll always be friends right?”

“The best of friends.”

“Then I’ll be okay.” Kaidan said. “And if you ever need some sense knocked into him, my biotics are at your service.”

Shepard hugged him, and the two held each other tightly for a moment. Shepard kissed his cheek.

“Thank you for understanding Kaidan,” she said. “What would I do without you?”

“Anything you need Kathy.” Kaidan murmured. “You know I’ll always have your back.”

They broke away from each other, the air finally clear between them. They’d be okay.

“Get some rest Kaidan, I need you at your best tomorrow. Tomorrow we hit Rannoch, and hopefully this whole mess with the geth will be far behind us.” Shepard said.

“Yes ma’am.”

 

 

“Anything broken?”

Joker didn’t bother looking around as Shepard approached the cockpit. She also didn’t bother sitting next to him, instead she stood behind his chair, as if reminding him of the distance his anger had put between them.

“I’m fine Commander.” Joker said stiffly. “I don’t need you checking on me.”

“It’s my duty to make sure my crew are fit and healthy Flight Lieutenant, now answer my question.”

When Shepard was using your rank instead of your name to address you, you knew you were in trouble. But Joker was still simmering from Kaidan’s comments, and Shepard had unknowingly added salt to the wound by going to see Kaidan as soon as she got back from her mission. And yeah maybe he was being childish, but at this point he didn’t care. All he could think about was Kaidan’s words ringing in his head.

“Few broken ribs. Nothing more.” He replied tersely.

“Good. I was worried it might have been worse,”

“It takes more than a shove against a wall to take me out of duty, or did you forget that I’m not a china doll?” Joker grumbled.

“Okay you know what? Screw you.” Shepard snapped. “I’ve had enough, okay? I’ve had a long fucking day and I am not up for dealing with both Kaidan and you in one day. You don’t want me to care? Fine, I won’t care. You want to pretend you’re some kind of Hee Man instead of coming to terms with your disability? Fine, you do that. You have fun sleeping alone tonight, I’m going to the war room.”

Shepard stalked off, wishing Wrex was still aboard the Normandy so they could go and set up a shooting range in the conference room to work out her annoyance.

Turns out Garrus was still up, and after going through her war data for the night she found him in the main battery and they ended up doing just that. Setting up a shooting range in the crew deck and using suppressed rifles really helped to work out the knots in her stomach. She ended up sleeping in the crew’s quarters that night when she did finally go to sleep, and in the morning when it was time to deploy, she went down with Kaidan and Garrus to the shuttle bay to meet James and Tali, and headed off without even speaking to Joker.


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard didn’t act like a typical Commander, probably why most of her team felt comfortable enough to not treat her like a Commander. She liked it that way, for the most part, she liked being someone her team could approach and disagree with when needed. She liked being one of them rather than the Commanding Officer.

But sometimes that created more personal problems, being so close to her crew members created unique problems other Commanders didn’t have. Like jealous exes, over-protective husbands, friends far too casual to disobey orders (for good reasons) and being compromised over trying to protect said friends, or said friends trying to protect you. The pros far outweighed the cons but sometimes the cons were overwhelming.

“This is it people, eyes sharp. Our priority is rescuing the Admiral,” Shepard said, looking over the terrain of Rannoch.

“What about the crew Shepard?” EDI asked.

“The Admiral said we would not have time to help them,” Tali replied sadly.

“Not if we split up. Two teams – one to get out the crew, one to rescue the Admiral.” Shepard said. “Liara, James and Tali, you three go ahead with Cortez to help the crew. Get them to the extraction point and keep them safe, Kaidan, Garrus and I will get the Admiral out and meet you there. EDI, you take the Kodiak turret and keep the Reaper forces off us as best you can. Everyone got that?”

The team nodded, ready for the task at hand.

“Take us down Steve,” Shepard said. “Everybody be ready. EDI?”

EDI got up and manned the turret as the doors to the Kodiak slid open. She fired down into the overwhelming Reaper forces while Shepard’s team jumped out and made their way to cover, ready to make a run for the Admiral as soon as they cleared out enough enemies.

With EDI’s beginning covering fire they had a good head start by the time Cortez moved to take the second team down the valley to the Quarian crew.

But as soon as EDI’s fire ceased, the Reaper forces seemed to ooze out of the very rock, and the odds were quickly overwhelming.

“Garrus, fall back to the Admiral and watch our six! Kaidan, blast those husks out of the way! I’m going in!” Shepard ordered.

“Commander there’s too many of them!” Kaidan cried.

“Just watch my back Major!” Shepard ignored his concern and leapt over the rocks, charging at the Reaper forces.

Kaidan followed her orders and sent out waves of shockwaves to keep her path clear of immediate threat. She fired into the enemy with the precision of an N7, taking down the enemy sometimes three heads with one shot. But despite her prowess on the battlefield, there was just too many.

“Commander! Incoming!” Kaidan called.

Shepard looked on the horizon to see several brutes stumbling down the cliff-face. She cursed under her breath before pulling out her sniper and ducking behind a rocky alcove. Between her sniper and Garrus’ mantis, they got some good shots in that weakened a few of the brutes, but coupled with the overwhelming enemies, forcing Shepard out of cover every few minutes, they weren’t getting very far.

Shepard kept retreating until she was shoulder to shoulder with Kaidan, locked in a firefight with enemies ahead and a rock face behind. They weren’t getting out of this one easy.

“Just leave me Commander, find my crew!” the Admiral pleaded.

“I can’t do that Admiral, we need you.” Shepard said. “My team is securing your crew, we just have to focus on getting out of here and meeting them at the rendezvous point. Don’t worry Admiral, we’ll get you out of here.”

“Shepard, more coming!” Garrus shouted. “Cannibals and husks inbound!”

“My clips are empty.” Shepard muttered, dropping her empty weapon and taking out her pistol. “And this one’s low on clips. Fuck.”

“We’re not going down without a fight Commander,” Kaidan said grimly. “I got your back.”

“Manoeuvre 6? For old times’ sake.” Shepard grinned.

Kaidan cocked his gun. “Right behind you Shepard.”

At once they took off, Garrus covering their six, running in opposite directions to confuse the husks. Picking off husks once they were confused was the easy part, but everything else? Not so much. Manoeuvre 6 involved confusing the enemy by running lines of fire through the battlefield in the shape of the number 6.

Shepard would make the bottom half of the six and meet up with Kaidan in the centre as finished the top and flanked the enemy to reach her. It was a strategy that had worked well on Eden Prime, and one that had come in handy for the two over their time fighting together.

The enemy were thick, but their strategy was scattering them. The goal was to keep them off Garrus and the Admiral as best they could, but without EDI’s covering fire, the more they cut down, the more appeared on the battlefield.

“What the fuck will it take to kill these things?!” Shepard shrieked.

“Don’t worry little lady, the cavalry’s here.”

“Joker?!”

Shepard looked up and saw one of the shuttles from the Normandy screaming out of the sky, guns blazing.

“Joker you’re too low!” Kaidan cried. “There’s too many – get back to the Normandy!”

“Not likely.” Joker muttered. “Not this time.”

He flew low to the ground, blasting the very earth the Reaper forces were walking on. It was an effective strategy – for a time. Kaidan was right, he was far too low to the ground, and once the Reaper forces had worked out where the blasts were coming from, he was bombarded by Reaper fire from the ground.

A Cannibal shot out one booster, but it was enough to send him spiraling towards the earth.

“Joker!” Shepard cried.

She was about to jump out from cover before Kaidan grabbed her around the waist.

“No Commander wait!”

The blast was hot, and shrapnel flew out everywhere, hitting the rocks Shepard and Kaidan were crouched behind. The good thing – the remaining forces in the immediate area were wiped out. The bad – Joker was somewhere in that wreckage.

“ _Jeff_!” Shepard leapt out from cover, saw the blazing wreckage, and froze. _“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_

Her gun dropped from her hand, and she fell to her knees, blue biotics surging around her violently. Kaidan jumped back, the biotic powers burning the atmosphere near them. Shepard lifted a hand and the rockface beside them went barrelling down into the valley as she got to the feet, murder in her eyes, her face stained with tears.

At once she bolted, a blur of blue as she sped down the battlefield to get to the wreckage.

“Shepard!” Kaidan called.

“Stay with Garrus! Keep the Admiral safe!” she shouted over her shoulder as she dashed towards Joker.

The remaining Reaper forces were getting their bearings now, and heading towards the burning shuttle. Shepard beat them to it, leaping over the wreckage and shrieking as she let out a blast of biotic power to knock away the creeping husks that were too close.

“Jeff! _Jeff_!” Shepard clawed her way through the wreckage, and found Joker still in one piece.

She did her best to pull him from the shuttle gently, and laid him on the ground, cupping his face in her hands, her tears beginning to drip down from her face and land on his.

“Jeff? Oh God Jeff please don’t be dead – you can’t leave me now babe!” Shepard cried.

Joker stirred ever so slightly, and gave a tiny groan. Shepard let out a relieved sob, but it turned into a shriek of pain as a bullet ripped through her shields and hit her in the arm. She shot up a biotic barrier to keep the Reaper forces at bay, crouching over Joker’s body protectively.

“I will die before I let you touch him!” she snarled. “Come and get it, if you can you bastards!”

The Reaper forces smashed themselves into the barrier, trying to break it, but Shepard held strong. She shot up her other arm to keep the barrier up, feeling physically pressed down by the weight of the husks clambering at the dome barrier.

Just as it seemed as though she wouldn’t be able to keep the barrier up, the cavalry really did arrive. Out of the gloom came the Kodiak, EDI firing down into the remaining Reaper forces.

“Commander!” Kaidan raced towards them, Garrus in tow. “We have to go now!”

“But what about –”

“I’ve got Joker Shepard, you get the Admiral to the shuttle.” Garrus said, scooping up the pilot in his arms.

Shepard nodded, and headed to the shuttle, helping up the Admiral, then Kaidan, and finally Garrus with Joker. Steve closed the doors and they were on their way, back to the Normandy, and safety.

“Sorry we took so long. Had to drop off the crew.” Tali said.

Shepard nodded mutely.

“Is he going to be all right Liara?” Garrus asked.

Liara bent over Joker, inspecting his wounds. “He will need Dr Chakwas immediately, I can stop the bleeding and numb the pain until we reach the Normandy. As for his chances…that I cannot say.”

Shepard sat with her head bowed, tears falling from her eyes, Kaidan’s arm over her shoulders. She leaned against him for support, silently appreciating his presence. Little did she know that guilt was eating Kaidan up inside. Did Joker pull this stunt because of what he’d said?

 

 

 

Shepard paced outside the medbay, as she had been doing for the past two hours that Joker had been in surgery. No one in the crew said anything to her, knowing she was a live wire right now, even her personal team gave her a respectful wide berth as they went about their duties.

There was still the urgent matter of the situation on Rannoch, but for now the Quarians were out of immediate danger, and Tali wouldn’t dare try to hurry Shepard along at a moment like this.

It was only now that Kaidan had the courage to go up to Shepard. Two hours of guilt turning his stomach and aching in his head, he couldn’t take it any longer. If Joker died it would be all his fault, all because of his stupid jealousy, he had caused all this. Kaidan felt sick. He didn’t want to tell Shepard, but he knew he had to. He had to do the right thing for once.

“Commander?” he murmured as she approached her. “How is he?”

“Stable, for now. That changes every few minutes.” Shepard muttered. “Surgery’s nearly done. Only time will tell if it worked.”

“He’ll be all right,” Kaidan said, resting his hands on her shoulders comfortingly. “He wouldn’t leave you alone like this,”

Shepard sighed. “He may not have a choice. But thank you Kaidan, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Shepard smiled up at him. Kaidan’s answering smile was weak, knowing that his next words would wipe that beautiful smile from her face.

“Commander, I’m so sorry about Joker.” He murmured. “I feel so terrible about it.”

“Why? You didn’t do anything,” Shepard frowned.

Kaidan looked down, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

“Actually…”

“Kaidan.” Shepard’s face turned stony. “What did you do?”

“Commander I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“Kaidan.” Shepard cut in. “What. Did. You. Do?”

Kaidan winced. “That fight between me and Joker that you broke up? I said some things…this is all my fault…”

Kaidan told her what had happened that day, and he watched Shepard’s face darken as he spoke. When he was finished, she was silent for a long time. Too long. Eventually, she took a breath, and Kaidan noticed her hands were in fists, quivering with anger.

“Get off my ship.” She said icily.  

Kaidan blinked. Shepard turned on heel and went to stalk away, leaving Kaidan flabbergasted in her wake.

“Wh – Commander wait –”

Shepard spun around at his voice, and then her fist was connecting with his jaw. Most women when you pissed them off, might slap you, might cry, might scream at you, but Shepard? Shepard was not most women.

She’d taken down turians with one punch and Kaidan was feeling the hurt in that hit now. He went down faster than a drunk Tali, and he expected more blows coming his way, but Shepard just stood over him with a glare.

“When we next dock, I want you off this ship.” She growled. “You are no longer welcome here, in fact I never want to see you again. How _dare_ you, I thought you were a better man than this Alenko. I can take a lot, I can forgive so much, but this is too much. If my husband dies because of you I am going to kill you!”

Shepard stalked off, entering the medbay and manually locking the door. Kaidan picked himself up off the floor with a groan, and stumbled off to the crew quarters. That went far worse than he’d thought, but it wasn’t totally unexpected. He sighed. He’d really done it now.

 

 

 

“What do you mean there’s been complications?” Shepard’s eyes were wide with panic. “What kind of complications Doc?”

“He’s bleeding internally. One of his wounds has reopened itself, I can close the wound but he’s looking blood fast. We’ll need a donor to replace the lost blood.” Dr Chakwas said.

“Take mine,” Shepard offered.

“I’m afraid your blood type does not match his Commander. Joker has a rare blood type, we need to match someone in the crew to give blood.” Chakwas replied.

“EDI, can you run some analysis of the crew’s blood type? I’ll wake the crew member to give blood.”

‘Hold on Commander, don’t wake anybody.’

Shepard turned to the door, scowling at the person entering the room.

“What do you think you’re doing here Major?” she said icily.

“I have the same blood type as Joker, and I’m awake now. Let me give blood. Let me help.” Kaidan said.

“I think you’ve ‘helped’ enough Major.”

“But –”

“I don’t want you within a hundred yards of Joker!”

“Commander, he is the correct blood type, and he’s here now and willing.” Dr Chakwas interjected.

“Please Commander, let me help.” Kaidan pleaded.

Shepard simmered in anger, but had to admit she was being foolish. Joker needed blood, and Kaidan could give it to him.

“All right.” She reluctantly gave a stiff nod, and let Kaidan approach.  “I’m doing this not because I trust you, but because I trust Karin.”

The procedure didn’t take long. Once Kaidan’s blood had been sampled, the two of them waited anxiously outside the medbay while Dr Chakwas resumed surgery.

Shepard stood against one side of the door and Kaidan stood against the other side, neither speaking to the other. Kaidan could practically feel her glare burning holes into his uniform. Soon however, Dr Chakwas re-emerged from the medbay, a small smile on her face.

“He’s out of danger for now. Now all that’s left to do is wait for him to regain consciousness.”

“Which will take how long?” Shepard asked.

“Difficult to say Shepard. Only time will tell. But he’s well on the way to recovery now,”

“Thank you Karin. Keep an eye on him for me,”

“Will do Commander.”

With Joker out of immediate danger, Shepard had the Geth situation to deal with. Leaving Joker in the hands of Dr Chakwas, Shepard set out with her team to take back Rannoch. It would be a long few days before she returned to the Normandy.


	11. Chapter 11

“Hey Doc, how’s he doing?” Kaidan asked as he entered the med bay.

“He haemorrhaged this morning, the poor dear, but I managed to get his condition under control. His vital signs are improving, but he hasn’t regained consciousness yet.” Chakwas reported.

“Best not to tell Shepard the first part.” Kaidan frowned. “She’s got enough to worry about right now.”

“Indeed. Would you mind keeping an eye on him for a moment Major? I need to retrieve some supplies from the cargo bay.”

“Sure Doc.” Kaidan nodded.   

Kaidan sat down by Joker’s cot, looking over his unconscious form. He looked much better than before, but looks could be deceiving. There was a small chance he wouldn’t wake, and a small chance was still a chance.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” he said quietly. “I’m probably the last person you want to see right now but…”

He sighed, looking down at his hands.

“I put you in here, it’s all my fault. If I’d kept my stupid mouth shut…seems to be a problem of mine huh? Never could keep my mouth shut.”

Kaidan chuckled sadly, shaking his head.

“It’s my fault you’re in here, so I’m not going to ask for forgiveness. Hell, like I even deserve it. Shepard will never forgive me, I wouldn’t forgive me either. But I don’t care about that, I just care about you waking up. Shepard’s been worried sick, so you’d better wake up soon, okay? You gotta wake up Joker, I’ll do _anything_ if you just wake up.”  

“Give Joker all your desert rations for the next three months,” a quiet voice said.

Kaidan blinked, and looked up. “Joker?”

“No, this is the voice of your conscience speaking.” Joker murmured. “Give Joker all your desert rations for the next three months, and he will forgive you.”

“Deal.” Kaidan smiled.

Joker smirked. He opened one eye slowly, then the other, and yawned sleepily.

“Hey Kaidan, guess karma is a son of a bitch eh?” he said.

“You got that right.” Kaidan sighed. “But damn if it isn’t good to have you back,”

“You’d miss me too much if I died,” Joker muttered. “You need my sparkling personality as a counterpoint to your staunch and seriousness.”

Kaidan chuckled.

“Where’s Kat?”

“Rannoch.” Kaidan replied. “She’s been down there a few days now. Gave me strict orders to get off the ship as soon as we next dock.”

Joker frowned. “That’s…sort of extreme.”

Kaidan shrugged. “I almost got you killed.”

“You?” Joker blinked. “Is that what you think? You think I did it because of what you said?”

“Well, yeah…”

Joker shook his head, and struggled to sit up. Kaidan rushed to help him sit, and the pilot sighed.

 “Don’t flatter yourself Kaidan,” Joker smirked.

Kaidan smiled slightly.

“I mean yeah, what you said pissed me off, and it got to me I’ll admit that. But I was the one who decided to do something crazy, you didn’t force me to. It was my stupid decision, and I probably would have made it anyway. I know Kat would never think any of those things about me, even if I think them about myself, but I’ve done stupid stuff to protect her before, and I’ll do it again in the future with or without anyone’s words.”

“But – ”

“Listen, it’s not your fault, okay? I know what it feels like to feel responsible for someone’s death and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way.”

“Alchera.” Kaidan murmured.

Joker nodded. “Living with that guilt isn’t easy, even if the person comes back and doesn’t blame you.”

Kaidan sighed. “I didn’t mean one word of what I said Joker, I felt horrible the second they came out of my mouth, but I couldn’t face you. Guess the coward is me huh?”

“What’s a little near death experience between friends?” Joker smirked. “Look at us, fighting over a girl.”

Kaidan smiled. “I think a girl like Shepard is a girl worth fighting over.”

Joker chuckled. “True. Even if it gets one of us killed.”

Kaidan’s eyes fell.

“Hey. It’s okay. I get it okay? Really, I understand. Knowing us, I probably would have gone off just like you if we switched places. You two have a history, I knew this wouldn’t be a peaceful transition when you came back to the Normandy. From your perspective, Shepard had been dead for two years, then suddenly she’s back and with a band of terrorists, and by the time she’s proven she’s still her you find out she’s married when you couldn’t move on. That’s got to be tough.”

“Doesn’t excuse what I did.” Kaidan sighed.

“Hey, let’s just put it behind us, yeah? Can we do that?”

“Yeah.” Kaidan nodded. “We can do that. Definitely. I wanted you to know, that I’m okay. With you and Kathy. You guys deserve each other, and you deserve to be happy.”

“Heh. Thanks Kaidan. And don’t worry about Katherine, I’ll talk to her when she gets back.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Kaidan denied.

“Yeah I do, Kat wanted us to be friends again, and now that you’ve pulled your big head in – ”

Kaidan smirked.

“I can work on getting you two to be friends again.”

“Fat chance of that.” Kaidan snorted. “She hates me.”

“Nah, Katherine can’t hate anyone, she’s not like that. She’ll come round, trust me.”

Kaidan shrugged one shoulder, still unconvinced.

“In the meantime though, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

 

 

 

“She’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t she? Just like her mother.” Joker smiled as he bounced baby Ashley in his arms.

“Careful Joker, you’re still not at 100%.” Dr Chakwas warned.

Joker just rolled his eyes. “I think I can handle my own kid Karin. You wanna hold her Kaidan? She’s pretty chill.”

Kaidan gently took the little girl from Joker, and watched in wonder as Ash took hold of his finger in her little hand. He smiled softly.

“Hey Ash.” He murmured, almost crying from saying the name.  

“Katherine’s been feeling pretty depressed lately,” Joker sighed. “With the war going on she hasn’t had much time to take care of Ash, she tries not to let it get to her, but I can’t help but notice she’s feeling like a terrible mother.”

“Shepard is the best mother I have no doubt,” Kaidan said. “She’s fighting for a future for Ash, what mother wouldn’t?”

“Maybe, but you can understand the strain she’s under.”

Kaidan sighed. “Yeah. I doubt I helped either.”

“Ugh, self-pity isn’t like you Alenko. Buck up a little.”

Kaidan smiled slightly. “Easy for you to say, you haven’t got a pissed off Shepard after your blood.”

“Don’t be so sure. She’s going to be so pissed with me when she gets back.” Joker said.

“Incoming transmission from ground team.” EDI reported.

“Shepard to Normandy, Shepard to Normandy!” Shepard’s voice came over the ship’s comms. “I’ve got a Reaper coming in hot, any suggestions on how to out-gun a Reaper on foot would be fantastic right about now!”

“The Fleet’s fire is unorganized, we need a uniform attack.” Tali said.

“Shepard, the Normandy’s firing systems are capable of pinpoint accuracy, but we lack the strength to take down a Reaper alone.” EDI replied.

“Legion and I thought about that. Can you connect the Normandy’s systems to the rest of the Fleet?” Shepard asked.

“Yes. That would be sufficient energy, but we could not make a hit from orbit alone. We need a close-range guider. I can connect your rifle to the Normandy’s systems so you can direct the hit from the ground.”

“Do it EDI. Quick as you can. All right let’s move people, we’ve got a Reaper to kill!”

“EDI, give us the video feeds from the bridge.” Joker requested.

The video feed came up on Joker’s omnitool, and he and Kaidan watched worriedly down at the scene of Rannoch.

“That’s a little closer than I like!” Tali squealed as the Reaper swiped at their fleeing skycar.

“You should have been on Tuchunka.” Shepard grinned. “We were right under the thing.”

“No thanks. I’d just rather survive this one.” Steve replied.

 “You’re enjoying this.” Tali accused. “You’re actually enjoying this.”

“What makes you say that?” Shepard said, still grinning widely.

“You’re mad Shepard! Why do I continue to let you talk me into these things?”

Shepard laughed. “Without me you’d have no interesting stories to tell. Drop me off here Legion, and get back to the Normandy. I’ve got a date with a Reaper. Wish me luck!”

“Luck!” Tali called after her as she leapt from the skycar and hit the ground with a roll.

“Bring your ugly face to my laser you bastard,” Shepard growled, aiming her weapon at the approaching Reaper.

For ten terrifying minutes – though it seemed much longer to Kaidan and Joker – the Normandy crew held their breath.

Then finally, after several successful hits, the Reaper went down. The crew let out a cheer as Shepard shielded her face from the blast, then went to inspect the dying Reaper.

“Heck of a gal that Lola. Damn.” James commented as he went through the mess hall.

“You got that right Vega.” Garrus replied. “No other like her.”

“Hey!” Joker called from the med bay. “That’s my wife you’re talking about!”

Kaidan laughed. “Watch yourselves, you don’t want to get on Joker’s bad side, he’ll throw you out the airlock!”

“Damn straight.” Joker grinned.

“Meant nuthin by it Joker,” James said easily. “But it ain’t our fault your wife is damn smoking.”

Joker chuckled. “Jealous Vega?”

“Maybe.” James grinned cheekily.

“Well I am.” Kaidan said with a smirk. “What about you big guy?”

Garrus looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not gonna pretend I have a human fetish, but Shepard? Hm. Yeah…I could see that.”

“Talons to yourself Garrus.” Joker said.

Garrus chuckled.

“This conversation never gets to Shepard, agreed?” James said.

“Too late gentlemen.” Shepard’s voice came over the ship’s comms. “You think anything happens in this ship – my ship – without me knowing?”

“EDI!” Joker cried. “You sold us out!”

EDI gave an electronic laugh.

“Oh, and Jeff?”

Joker swallowed thickly. “Y-Yeah?”

“Good to have you back babe.”

Joker smiled softly. “Yeah. Good to be back.”


	12. Chapter 12

“You keep scowling like that your face will get stuck like that.” Joker commented.

Shepard simply huffed as she spooned food into her mouth, not taking her eyes off Kaidan on the other table, glaring a hole into the back of his head.

“Babe.” Joker said. Shepard didn’t respond. “ _Babe_.”

Shepard glanced at him.

“Give it a rest Kat, you’re going to give him a heart attack.” Joker said softly.

“It’s what he deserves.” Shepard muttered.

Joker sighed. “Hey, listen.”

He nudged her gently, and when she turned to him he kissed her cheek.

“It’s all right.” He said. “I’m alive.”

“You survived by an inch.” Shepard insisted.

“And you’ve survived by less.” Joker retorted. “Let it go. Kaidan’s an idiot yeah, he’s made a lot of mistakes. But he’s not a bad guy, you and I both know that.”

Shepard continued her glaring, but her angry chewing became slower.

“I can’t forgive him, not yet.” She mumbled. “But…I’ll try. For you.”

“Thank you. Love you.” Joker smiled, pressing his lips to her temple.

Shepard fought down a smile, but couldn’t hold it in.

“The things I do for you.” She chuckled.

“You know you love me.” Joker smirked.

Shepard hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, I do. But I’ll fight you anyway.”

Joker laughed. Shepard got laughing as well, and Kaidan was finally able to relax his tense shoulders, knowing the Shepard Glare was gone from the back of his head.

“Evening lovebirds.” James smiled as he joined them at their table.

“Jamie.” Shepard smirked, inclining her head.

“Lola.” James replied. “We missed you down in the shuttle bay today.”

“Aw, aren’t you cute?” Shepard cooed. “I thought I’d spend some time with my husband. You know how jealous he gets when I hang out with too many strong muscle men.”

“Hey, I take offence to that.” Joker said. “I don’t get jealous, I get neglected by my wife and deny her sex.”

“Woah, too much information there _amigo_.” James chuckled. “Besides muscle men don’t seem to be Lola’s type.”

“That’s because she’s got enough muscle for the both of us.” Joker answered.

“Hey!” Shepard shot him a glare. “You’re lucky you’ve got brittle bones flyboy or I’d smack you into next week.”

Joker grinned cheekily at her.

“If I hadn’t known you two for so long, I’d swear you two hate each other.” Liara commented from her side of the table.

“Yeah, we hate each other so much that we love each other. I just pissed Kat off enough until she married me to shut me up. Works every time.” Joker said casually.

Shepard snorted with laughter.

“Ah marriage, can’t beat it.” Garrus smirked as he and Tali shuffled in to the table with their dextro-food.

“I think it’s cute.” Tali giggled.

“I have a degree in cuteness.” Shepard said matter-of-factly. “Part of N7 training.”

“Infiltration?” Garrus asked listlessly.

“Espionage.” Shepard replied.

“See I can’t tell if you’re being serious when you use that voice Lola. Better not be a real cuteness training program in the N7. Not sure I’d pass.” James commented.

Shepard giggled. “I’m sure you would Jamie, you’re plenty cute. So, you accepted the N7 position?”

“Maybe, still thinking about it.” James replied.

“I reckon I could pass the N7 cuteness test.” Joker said thoughtfully.

“I think I could, let me try.” Liara made a cute face, blowing a kiss and batting her eyelashes in an attempt to look adorable.

The table laughed at the attempt, James clapping and giving her a whistle.

“Thank you,” Liara said humbly.

“Impressive, but I think we all know who wins this competition.” Kaidan said. “Me.”

The team grew silent as Shepard’s expression morphed into a deadly glare at hearing Kaidan’s voice. Joker coughed, nudging her slightly and giving her a pointed look. The two stared each other down for a moment before Shepard visibly struggled to let her glare fade.

“You’re all right I guess, but the ultimate question of cuteness remains – who rocks cute whiskers better, you or me Alenko?”

“I don’t call her Whiskers for nothing,” Joker smirked.

Shepard suddenly gave a wicked smirk. “This calls for a test run. James, attack!”

James caught onto her plan quickly, got up and rushed to keep Kaidan pinned to where he was sitting. As Kaidan struggled in confusion, Shepard grabbed a permanent marker and began to draw a set of whiskers over his cheeks.

Shepard sat back and laughed at her handiwork, doubling over at the dazed and confused look on Kaidan’s face, even after he inspected his new whiskers in a mirror.

“Oh, that’s it, Kaidan wins. Hands down.” Shepard said, her voice breathless from laughing.

“A cheap victory, I’m never getting this off.” Kaidan groaned.

Shepard laughed again. “Revenge is sweet Major!”

“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that, _Commander_.” Kaidan smirked at her.

Shepard cocked an eyebrow. “Are you, _challenging_ me, to a prank battle Major?”

“A challenge that requires only one answer.” Joker chuckled.

Shepard smirked. “First person to give in buys the team dinner.”

“Ha. You’re on Shepard.”

“May the best prankster win! Scoreboard rests at Shepard 1 – Alenko 0. Good luck Major.”

As the team slowly dispersed from dinner and returned to their duties, Shepard busied herself with feeding Ashley and holding her up to the window in the cockpit as she curiously looked at the stars outside, knowing that for know at least, the Normandy was safe enough for a break.

 

As Ash was beginning to drift off to sleep, and the Normandy growing quiet as the night cycle fell over the ship, Shepard found herself humming her mother’s lullaby again.

It was as much to soothe Ash as it was to soothe herself. Sometimes she couldn’t understand how she did the things she did, then joke with her friends an hour later before rushing into chaos again the next day. But she learned early on that if you thought too much about the job, you dug yourself into a hole you couldn’t get out of.

Thankfully her husband knocked her out of her thoughts at that moment by entering the cockpit, smiling at her as he took up the helm for the night.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hey yourself.” Shepard smiled.

“Thanks for going easy on Kaidan by the way, even though you’re still pissed you’re doing a good job of not killing him.” He went on.

“Oh trust me I still want to beat him into the ground.” Shepard said flatly. “But we need everyone we can get if you’re going to defeat the Reapers. And I’ve never wanted to be a Commander who mistreats her crew because of her personal feelings. We’ve got to work together.”

“And…?” Joker prompted.

Shepard huffed. “And I forgave him once, I can do it again. I don’t _want_ to hate Kaidan.”

“That’s my girl.” Joker smiled.

“Hey that doesn’t mean he’s on my good side yet. He has to work for that.”

“Which I’m sure he will.”

“Why are you suddenly so chummy with him anyway? You were the one who had the problem with him to begin with.” Shepard said accusingly.

Joker shrugged. “I know you babe, I know that if you blamed Kaidan for what happened you’d never forgive yourself for sending him away once you’d cooled down. I couldn’t let that happen. I know that letting everything go so we could all be friends like on the SR-1 again was what would make you really happy, so I had to try.”

He became aware of Shepard suddenly staring at him, and looked over at her.

“Huh? What is it Kat?”

“Nothing I just…I just love you so much, you know?” Shepard murmured.

“Babe are you _crying_?” Joker got up from his chair to limp over to her, seeing the stray tears in her eyes.

“It’s okay, I’m all right.” Shepard sniffled with a smile. “I’m just happy. You do so much for me. How the hell do I deserve a man like you Jeff?”

“Oh sweetheart,” Joker leaned down to kiss her, feeling her smile against his lips. “I love you Kat, more than anything. You wanna know how you deserve me? Because you’re you. Because you love me and support me through everything and I couldn’t ask for a better wife or best friend. I’ve loved you ever since we met and I live in a heavenly daydream every day knowing that I’m lucky enough to call you mine.”

“Aw _babe_ ,” Shepard beamed. “This is why I married you. You’re so good at your little speeches.”

“I practise while you’re asleep.” Joker smirked.

Shepard giggled. Joker went back to his chair, and returned to his flight controls.

“Coordinates Commander?” he asked.

“The Citadel. Anderson is ordering us to go on shore-leave.” Shepard replied. “The Asari Councillor needs to speak to me as well, and I’d like to check on Grunt after that rachni battle.”

“So quite the to-do list then. As always.” Joker sighed. “Ah well, at least we get shore leave. To the Citadel,”

“I hate shore leave.” Shepard muttered.

“Why?” Joker asked looking puzzled.

Shepard fixed him a look. “Everytime we’re planetside, something goes wrong.”

“I think that’s just you babe. You know, explosions tend to follow you around the galaxy.”

“Yeah I noticed, thanks.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine this time. We’re in the middle of a war, who has the time to screw with us right now?”

“Famous last words.” Shepard replied.

She had no idea how right she was.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god I'm finally back after so long! can you believe it? I swear uni sucks my entire soul out, I haven't had any energy to write but I'm finally getting my groove back!

“Woah. Fancy digs.” Adrien’s head darted back and forth as the apartment revealed itself, seemingly going on and on forever.

“ _Dang_. Anderson sure knows how to spoil his favourite crew doesn’t he?” Joker whistled, looking around the room.

“More like his favourite Commander.” Garrus chuckled. “So long as I benefit too, I’m not complaining.”

“Thank you I love you too Garrus.” Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head at her favourite turian. “Even if I do most of the work.”

“I’m sorry, _who_ does most of the work?” Liara asked.

“Who flies the ship?” Joker challenged.

“Who _is_ the ship?” EDI countered.

“Who’s the quick scope?” Garrus said.

“Who’s the one who takes the beating?” James grinned.

“Who’s the better-looking twin with the better aim?” Adrien smirked.

“Where would a Commander be without her crew?” Tali said.

“Where would _we_ be without Shepard?” Kaidan countered with a raised eyebrow.

“Ha. Still wallowing in C-Sec getting nowhere.” Garrus replied.

“Shot dead by Fist in the Wards.” Tali answered.

“Still not truly alive and under Cerberus command.” EDI said.

James shrugged. “Dead on Earth somewhere.”

“Dead by Saren’s thugs.” Liara sighed.

“Dead several times over.” Kaidan nodded.

“Still a slave.” Adrian muttered.

“I’d be nowhere at all.” Joker murmured.

Shepard’s eyes turned sad as she glanced at her husband. Her gaze wandered over her team, and she gave a weak smile.

“I love you guys. So much.” She murmured, her voice quiet and choked up with tears.

“Aww group hug!” Tali cried, leaping forward to hug Shepard.

The others crowded around her, squeezing the life out of each other, ignoring all protests of personal space and breathing privileges.

“I still do most of the work though.” Shepard smirked as she sauntered off to look around.

Joker watched her with an appreciative hum, eyes glues to the back of her. Even in her Alliance blues she made quite the striking figure.

“I hate to see you go babe, but I love to watch you leave.” He called with a smirk.

“Keep watching Jeff. Might be the only thing you do tonight.” Shepard looked over her shoulder with a smug grin, and winked as she walked upstairs.

James gave a low whistle while Kaidan just sighed to himself.

“The jealousy of our boys seems to be threatening to steal the air from the room.” Liara chuckled.

“Not arguing with that.” Kaidan shrugged.

“Ha! You know it.” James grinned. “Who wouldn’t be on their knees for a gal like Lola?”

“Who indeed.” Garrus nodded thoughtfully.

Joker laughed. “Keep dreaming guys. But thanks for the self-esteem boost.”

“How does our team fantasising about your wife boost _your_ self-esteem?” Tali questioned. “Humans are so strange.”

“Tali, my sweet summer child.” Joker said, laying an arm over Tali’s shoulders. “Think about it. Every guy in the universe, and I daresay plenty of the girls, would kill for a chance to be with Kat. And out of everyone in the universe, who gets to wake up beside her every day? I do.”

He pulled away with a grin. “The girl everyone loves is mine, so forgive me if I can’t help but want to brag.”

Liara chuckled. “What’s keeping Shepard around I wonder?”

“Ouch. Low blow Liara.” Joker pouted.

Then the crew stilled as they heard a high-pitched squeal from upstairs. They turned to each other in puzzlement, having never heard a noise like that come from Shepard before.

“Oh my god, Jeff!” Shepard came running to the balcony, a beaming smile on her face. “You got me new N7 gear?!”

Joker shrugged, but he was grinning as he spoke. “Not just new; it’s not even on the market. Whole new customized set just for you babe.”

Shepard practically shrieked with excitement. “Oh, I love you _I love you!_ Everyone gear up we’re heading to Armax!”

She ran off again, presumably to get into her new gear, and the entire perplexed team shared a knowing look among themselves.

“ _That’s_ how he keeps her around.” They said, almost at the exact same time.

Joker looked at them all smugly. “Well everyone, I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson here today.”

“Oh, and Jeff?”

Joker suddenly grimaced, looking nervously upstairs. “Y-Yes dear?”

Shepard smirked darkly. “I might be your wife but I’m not your little woman, we well know I’m the man of this relationship.”

“Yes dear.” Joker agreed sheepishly.

The team laughed in amusement as the confident pilot deflated under Shepard’s gaze. Shepard laughed as she descended in her new N7 armour, kissing Jeff on the cheek and cocked her new rifle with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Now, who wants to challenge my high score?”

 

 

 

“Alright Team Sass, let’s do this!” Shepard jumped over the virtual obstacle, Garrus and Liara close behind her.

“Do we have to be called that?” Liara complained.

“Sounds better than Team Abs.” Kaidan griped.

“What can I say? I call em like I see em Alenko.” Shepard sniggered.

“And the Commander sees an awful lot.” James agreed with a grin.

“I’m just a little uncomfortable being grouped in this category.” Adrien said.

“You should be honoured. You’re certainly no Kaidan.” Shepard rolled her eyes. “And you’ve gotta long way to go before you reach Vega’s level brother of mine. Because _that_ is some serious eye candy.”

“Thanks Lola.” James winked.

“Adrien is not so bad on the eyes.” Liara supplied. “A more subtle strength is much more attractive.”

“Really?” Adrien said eagerly. “I – I mean, oh you think so do you?”

Garrus snickered. “Smooth.”

Liara blushed delicately.

“Liara’s right though, subtle is the way to go. Muscle men are fun to look at it, though not my choice for the permanent kind.” Shepard said.

“You prefer smart-mouthed pilots with brittle bone disease Commander, your taste in men is questionable at the very least.” Kaidan joked.

Shepard took a shot that would have got him right between the eyes, killing him dead, had they been real bullets. As it was, she got a new high score from the shot.

“Watch what you say about a girl with a rifle Kaidan.” Garrus chuckled.

“Especially Commander Shepard.” James laughed.

Shepard laughed inanely as she and her team ran about the arena taking shots at the others. They’d been here for hours, or maybe it had only been one or two? The time certainly flew when the Normandy crew were having fun. Though their version of fun was slightly abnormal to the average citizen.

“Why do you not go and join the others Jeff?” EDI questioned, as she sat with Joker and Tali at a table overlooking the arena.

“I’m no soldier EDI, you two are the ones with the guns. I mean sure I can shoot, but with my bones I’m more likely to injure myself than hit a moving target. I’m fine up here. You sure you want to stay here with me and not join the others?” Joker replied.

“Four on four could be fun.” Tali conceded. “But I’m all worn out from that last match, I need to re-hydrate.”

“With Tali out of the round, four on three is an unfair ratio. And I much prefer to watch.” EDI said.

“Why’s that? Thought you’d enjoy it.” Joker frowned.

“I do not ‘enjoy’ things as organics do. To me, fighting is just a necessity, I do not look at combat with any particular preference. But Shepard and the others seem to gain enjoyment out of it, if not in real combat, then in pretence like this, they seem to be having…fun. I wish to understand why.”  

Joker tipped his cap back, and leaned back in his chair, watching the team below shooting at one another.

“It’s not the combat that they like necessarily EDI, it’s the comradeship that comes from fighting together as a unit. It’s a way of all species to learn trust and develop deeper bonds that you couldn’t otherwise.” He explained.

“Add to that we’re all good at what we do, and love to brag about it – especially Shepard and Garrus.” Tali giggled.

“Don’t I know it, those two will take any bet.” Joker rolled his eyes fondly. “They’re having fun because they’re together; in real combat their banter is to keep them sane amidst the chaos, and in play like this they’re just happy to spend time with one another as friends. We hardly get any down time after all.”

EDI looked at Tali, who nodded. “He’s basically spot on.” She said.

Then to Joker, and nodded, accepting this information.

“That is a very wise outlook, thank you Jeff. You have helped me gain an insight into organic relationships. Perhaps I will join them in the next round, and see if I develop any of the bonds you speak of.” She said.

“All in a day’s work.” Joker said casually. “Teaching AI’s how to be human, fetching Quarians dextro-beverages, watching my wife pretend to kill all of her friends, you know how it is. Just a regular Wednesday.”

Tali chuckled. “Is there every just a regular day with us?”

“Well there was that one time after Saren, at the ceremony on the Citadel. Nothing crazy or explosive happened that day. That was pretty normal. We even went for pancakes afterwards.” Joker said.

“And Shepard bought the drinks that night.” Tali laughed, reminiscing about their drunken crew.

“And Kaidan had to get her back to her quarters before she stripped in front of the whole club.” Joker grinned. “Never seen her so wasted before. We should do that again sometime.”

“There’s a club on the Strip called Purgatory.” EDI supplied. “Perhaps we could go there to unwind.”

“Sounds fun!” Tali cried. “I’ll bring my camera, can’t have too many embarrassing vids of Shepard after all.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind. You have the camera ready, and I’ll supply the booze.” Joker smirked.

EDI giggled. “Tricking the Commander? That sounds…like fun.”

“Now you’re getting it.” Joker said with an encouraging nudge. “Starting to think like an organic there EDI.”

“Thank you Jeff.” EDI said proudly.

“Hey! Tali! EDI!” Shepard called from the battle arena. “Wanna join in the next round? Kaidan says a Quarian couldn’t hit the side of a spacestation.”

“Oh did he now?” Tali said getting up. “Consider me in Shepard!”

“I will join too.” EDI said with a smile. “Though you might have to rename the team.”

“Nah, I’m sure you’d have plenty abs if you were human EDI. Probably got robot abs anyway under that lining.” Adrien said.

“Do you often think about what is under my lining Adrien?” EDI teased.

“Uh…what I meant was – uh well I wasn’t really – ”

“Awwwkard.” Shepard grinned.

“Adrien stop flirting with my ship!” Joker called. “It’s uncomfortable and weird for us all!”

“Just take Liara out for a drink when we’re done here, asari are a lot less metallic.” Garrus said.

Both Adrien and Liara flushed red at that comment, and Shepard smirked as she nudged Garrus, the both of them looking slyly in their direction. Joker chuckled to himself. Leave it to his wife to become a matchmaker in the middle of a war.  

 

 

 

“There should be enough room for everyone, just find a place to crash.” Shepard said with a yawn as the exhausted team shuffled into the apartment.

“Crash?” Garrus said curiously.

He looked thoughtfully at the wall, before butting his head against it. Shepard burst into laughter.

“No no it’s just an expression!” she cried through her giggles. “It means make yourself at home and find a place to sleep.”

“Ah.” Garrus answered, suitable embarrassed as the humans in the party sniggered in amusement. “Right. I uh…I knew that.”

“Uh huh.” Shepard snorted. “Feel free to make yourselves at home guys, I’m turning in for the night. Don’t break anything, be good now.”

“Aye aye Commander.” James chuckled. “We’ll keep Liara away from the liquor.”

“And Steve away from the betting polls.” Adrien added.

Shepard shook her head fondly as she headed upstairs to her bedroom. The girl she had hired to babysit Ash had left already, and she entered her room to see her husband cradling the little girl in his arms, and dangling a silver object on a chain over her excitedly grabbing hands.

“What have you got there Jeff?” Shepard asked curiously as she crossed the room to sit beside her husband.

“A present for Ash.” Joker replied.

“But her first birthday isn’t for another five months.” Shepard argued.

“Well, with the war going the way it is, we might not get another five months.” Joker said grimly. “I’m just…preparing, in case. So I’m giving her gift to her now.”

“Well, what have you got for her?” Shepard asked, choosing to ignore the dark cloud hanging over Joker’s words.

Joker passed her the necklace. It was a silver Normandy, next to a single dog tag with Ash’s name and birth date on it. Shepard smiled; it was a very cute gift. She could already see her little girl growing up wearing it. She silently handing it back to Jeff, who put it in a safe place for when Ash was old enough to not choke on it.

Shepard rested her head against Joker’s shoulder, stroking Ash’s cheek and sighing contently. She chuckled quietly.

“This is definitely not the life I pictured for myself when I was a little girl. I could never imagine anything like this growing up.” She said.

“Me neither. Hell, I figured the best I could achieve would never even involve people, just warships. Now look at me; I’ve got a wife, I’ve got a kid, and insane friends that make almost getting killed their favourite pastime. Honestly my mother would be laughing at the irony.”

Shepard giggled. “Mine too. I always swore I’d never get married and settle down, I was going to be a strong independent woman.”

“And you are.” Joker smiled. “You just happened to get married along the way. And who said anything about settling down? Nothing short of chaining you to the floor would make you settle down, and the Alliance already tried that – don’t think I’m going to make the same fatal mistake.”

Shepard laughed. “So no buying a cosy flat in the city and getting regular 9-5 jobs then?”

Joker looked disgusted. “Not a single chance. It’s warships or nothing with us babe, we both know that. If we’re not constantly under threat of being shot we’ll start to go all twitchy and weird.”

“What do you say Ash? Battleships sound good?” Shepard cooed.

Ash laughed merrily, and even though they both knew she hadn’t actually understood Shepard’s words, they took it as a sign.

“I worry about raising her on the Normandy though. Alliance regs and all that.”

Joker rolled his eyes. “Kat, how many times have the Alliance tried to pull regs on us? And how many times have we told them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine?”

Shepard grinned. “Good point. Alright then my oh-so-dedicated-to-the-cause-military-husband, starships it is.”

“So glad you agree my kick-ass-gun-slinging-Spectre-wife.” Joker replied amusedly.

“So I guess it’s you, me, and the Normandy till death to us part huh?”

“You got it.” Joker answered, putting an arm around her and kissing her.

Ash squealed in between them, causing Shepard to chuckle against Joker’s lips.

“Katherine?” Joker murmured when he pulled away.

“Yes Jeff?”

“Marry me.”

Shepard blinked. “Jeff what – ? we’re already – ”

“We never got to have a proper ceremony on Earth. Hell my dad doesn’t even know about us. If everything ends tomorrow then, I want to do this right. And I want everyone we know to share that moment with us.” Joker said.

Shepard smiled. “Oh Jeff, of course I’ll marry you. Again. I love you, my big idiot.”

Joker chuckled. “I love you too, my tough girl.” 


End file.
